CONTAINS CONTENT:
Brief strong language. / Affair / (cheating.)
{{Unedited}}
Vincent slipped into a chair across from a Chamber in the little café on a street corner in Siem Reap.
Chamber was reading a book, and didn’t look up at Vincent, as he sipped his coffee, and turned a page.
“The French really are rude, aren’t we?”
“I consider it poised,” Chamber replied, skimming.
Vincent glanced around; they were mostly alone in the café. “What are you reading?”
“Dracula.”
“Are you thinking about Cory.” Vincent leaned in a little. “Or Marielle?” He added knowing that this was her favorite book.
Chamber flicked his gaze to Vincent, then back, giving him an all-inclusive, “yes.”
Vincent cursed under his breath in French and waved a waitress down. He ordered a coffee, and squared his shoulders. “Let’s talk about the target,” he growled.
“Let’s talk about something else,” Chamber redirected, snapping the book closed and setting it aside on the table. The waitress brought Vincent’s coffee and walked away. “Are you going to come to terms with reality?”
“Reality?” Vincent shook his head, and ran his fingers through his hair, “I would say, no.” Then he crossed his ankle over his knee, took a sip from the cup set in front of him, and let out a long sigh.
“Vincent…” Chamber began. “Marielle is in love with Austin.” Vincent looked off, as if trying to shut Chamber’s voice out; which seemed pointless to him since Chamber’s voice was his own. Both took a drink and put the cup down at the same time.
“Marielle loves me, too,” he replied tight lipped.
“Of course-” Chamber lifted both hands, “how could she not? You’re handsome, charismatic, charming, you know how to please her in the bedroom… French.”
Vincent flicked an eyebrow at him. “Did you just call yourself a handsome, French, lady charmer with sexual prowess?”
Chamber lifted a hand, pushing that comment away mentally. “As I said before… it’s all about fate,” he said, flatly. “If you hadn’t come here to Valorant, he wouldn’t have either.”
Vincent thought about this for a second. “You would have come to Valorant eventually though, so he would have too.”
Chamber cocked his head to the side. “You think so?”
Vincent nodded and took his cellphone out, looking it over. Marielle had not called him. He didn’t expect her to, but he was hoping that she would have left him a text or something. There was nothing, and he felt the stab in his chest. “You always do. For whatever reason you think that Valorant suits you.”
Chamber thought about this for a moment, and again both drank at the same time. “Why did you come? In your home world, I mean.”
“Liam had something that I wanted. It was really that simple. I am no hero.”
“We saved him, though, then he became your friend.” Chamber reminded with a chuckle. “It’s funny,” he whispered distantly. Vincent narrowed his eyes at him, curiously, “back then, I really didn’t trust you. I even thought about killing you a few times.”
“That doesn’t surprise me at all. I thought the same.”
Chamber chuckled. “Maybe I would have, and none of this would have happened. You’d be dead, Marielle would have still been with Austin, and then she-”
Vincent lifted his finger as if to stop him, “Can I tell you something that-” he took his glasses off, a deadly serious expression crossing his face, “that I’ve never told anyone?”
Chamber leaned over the table a little, shifting, and meeting his gaze with Vincent’s. “You may tell me anything you choose.”
Vincent’s jaw tensed several times in a row and he looked off. “The true and real tragedy of all of that – I believe, I have no evidence of it – is that I think that Marielle got sick because she left Austin.”
“They were all sick,” Chamber reminded with a light snap.
Vincent was staring at the center of the table. “Yes,” he breathed. He flicked his gaze up to Chamber’s. “But why did she get so sick so quickly, and decline so fast?” He exhaled and looked up at the ceiling for a moment. Chamber was processing whatever it was that he was trying to say. “In my world, the illness is radianite and abilities induced, right?” Chamber nodded, thoughtfully and stroked his chin. “Tundra and Marielle always kept one another going. They were each other’s strengths, they used their abilities to keep one another stable, healthy, even.” He removed his glasses and cleaned them with a linen from the table before squinting at them and slipping them back onto his face. “I believe that when she pulled out of his… stability let’s call it, that it sped up the cancer.”
“She no longer had him to rely on and keep her stable,” Chamber said with realization.
Vincent agreed. “None of us knew.”
“Hazal died pretty quickly, too,” Chamber reminded with a snap.
“Well, Hazal just died, remember that. It still took a few years.” Vincent’s eyes glazed over. “He asked me why as he lay there dying in the Valorant hallway… I always believed that it was because of the fear, the anxiety that Hazal suffered constantly,” he sighed and looked into his lap. “He was never well.” He looked off. “He was one of the best friends that I’d ever had, but his condition made him frail. Hazal never slept, never ate-” He shook his head. “I think that explains the illness rooting so deeply in him as well.”
Chamber swallowed hard, and nodded as silence past between them for a few moments. Vincent silently drank his coffee while it was still hot. Chamber took a deep breath and asked, “Do you think that if I came to Valorant that I would have fallen for Marielle?”
“Oui… I did.”
“Then let’s break this down- if you hadn’t come to Valorant when you did, Austin would have slithered his way in, into her pants, and left her broken, and then- he may or may not have become Tundra…” Vincent looked like he was thinking about this… “Now-”
“Now he’s changing.”
“Exactly.” Chamber stared at him for a moment. “You and I both know very well that we started on him a long time ago… with the tattoo and the torture. We knew what we were doing.”
“Correction, I knew you were going to mess with him, I had no idea what you were going to do to him. I didn’t know that you were going to put that tattoo on him. Ironic, considering that Tundra has a snake brand from me… had.”
Chamber nodded, “Fair.” He paused, taking in a breath. “Think of this fun little fate fact, too… if I hadn’t put those two bullets into Austin’s arm, Marielle and Austin would be dead right now. Or he would at least, and she’d be either dead, or captured,” Chamber reminded, referring to Tundra. Vincent’s jaw tensed at the thought. “But, Vincent, we have both worked on him in certain ways,” he leaned over his elbow a bit with an expression that said that he already knew the answer to his own question, “why are we doing that?”
Vincent exhaled. “I think we both know why.”
“We’re trying to keep him on the good side… we both know what he has the potential to become. We both know that if we’re out of the picture for whatever reason- Austin Rancor cannot become Tundra, and we cannot let him hurt Marielle.” Vincent nodded, not liking anything that Chamber was saying. “And there’s that pesky thing that neither of us want to admit to.”
“What’s that?”
Chamber shrugged, dismissively, “we both love him.”
Vincent scoffed, and took another drink wanting to argue this, but know that it was true. “Why?”
Chamber shrugged again. “Beats me. He’s a friend? We’ve never kept good, close friends?” He leaned in a bit. “It’s hard to keep friends when you betray everyone, Vincent. How many people do you think we’ve stabbed in the back throughout our lives?”
Vincent huffed. “Many.”
“Did you do Amsterdam, too?” Chamber asked lifting an eyebrow.
Vincent looked down, ruefully. Amsterdam was one of his most regretful hits. Not only had he killed a man, he’d slept with his wife to do it. Seducing the woman was the easiest way into their heavily guarded rooms. Vincent nodded his reply. “Maybe you’re looking at this all wrong, Vincent… maybe your purpose was never Marielle… maybe it was always Austin.”
“Oh, that makes me feel wonderful. My one purpose in this life is to save Austin fucking Rancor for the woman that I love?” He scoffed sarcastically.
“If your one purpose in life is to save anyone, Vincent, then your life is good and worth living… and in this case, you’d be saving both of them.” Vincent looked down, dejectedly; Chamber’s words ringing true in his ear, but feeling like sharp rocks in his mind. “And just so we’re clear?” he added. Vincent looked back up at him, “I am in love with Marielle.” He lifted his hands to stop any protest or barking from Vincent. “You don’t have to tell me, mon ami.” He put his right hand over his heart, and his left hand in the air, “I won’t touch her, and haven’t. Masin and her decisions, and issues are yours to deal with.”
Vincent narrowed his eyes at him, spitefully. “When did that happen?”
“Almost instantly… But-”
Something about the way Chamber had said but and left it hanging in the air, and the fact that he tried to hide a soft, secretive smile made Vincent’s eyes widen in interest. He leaned over the table. “You did something… what did you do?” he demanded.
Chamber smiled distantly, “It’s good, trust me.”
“What is?” Vincent pressed, his tone edging on murderous.
Chamber chuckled and adjusted his glasses, “You remember what Cory told you?” Vincent cocked his head to one side. “About finding, taking, and killing Marielle?”
“You know about that?”
“I knew about it before you did. I’m a traveler, mon ami… remember?” Vincent’s eyes were searching, as if his memory banks were working overtime to try and understand what Chamber was saying. “Heh, you are, too, but your travels have been about finding the perfect Marielle. I’ve been places, I’ve seen things.” Chamber leaned in a little, whispering, “how many did he say that he found and killed?”
Vincent thought back to that day that Marielle and Austin were captured and his eyes bugged with realization, “Five,” he breathed. “He said five!”
“Oui… because I hid the sixth.”
“The one that was with Chamber?”
Chamber nodded, and leaned back in his chair lacing his fingers behind his head, proudly, “I got there in time to save her.” Vincent’s face twisted in an odd combination of horrified, and relieved at the same time. Chamber swallowed hard, his expression becoming forlorn. “Sadly… not Austin.”
“They killed Austin?” Chamber nodded. “And you took Marielle?” He nodded again. Vincent narrowed his eyes at him. “You had a love affair with her…”
“I comforted her in her husband’s absence,” was all that he’d say about that. “And then I took her to the one man that we both trust,” he added with a weak, distant smile. “But Vincent,” he leaned in a little, arms crossed over his chest, “she’s safe… and Cory doesn’t know about her.” Vincent’s eyes were rimming with tears. “But in a way, mon ami. I lost her, too.”
Vincent took his glasses off to wipe away a few tears, before he let out a ragged breath and met eyes with Chamber again. “Thank you, my brother,” he breathed, reaching across the table and squeezing his hand.
Chamber nodded and looked away, distantly… sadly. “As soon as I knew what he was doing I intervened. I’m sorry that I couldn’t save more of her.” His chest rose and fell. “It took a while to find Vincent. Marielle and I were together for a long time trying to track him down… about two months.”
Vincent was continuing to wipe tears away and shaking his head, “I thought-… but I caused all of the other’s deaths.”
“No, you did not,” Chamber said, glaring at him and leaning in, “you listen to me… it was him. Him alone. You did not do that.” He pointed at Vincent. “Do you understand?”
“But, my actions led to these things.”
Chamber rolled his eyes, “Oui, and different actions would have led to something else and something else would have led to this or that or the other, and so on. You cannot drag that to the grave, brother. Not like that.” Vincent looked down shamefully. “You killed Cory’s family,” he lifted his right hand in the air, “angels, they were not. You know about their connections to the Irish mafia.” Chamber glanced away and cussed the O’Fallon’s out in French. “Right psychopaths, that family is. That’s why their children are so… charming.”
Vincent chuckled humorlessly and shook his head, finishing his coffee, then waving a waitress over for more. “It doesn’t change the fact that the events that I began caused this… I can never tell Marielle. I mean, I have in some way, but I don’t think that any of them have put together that the entire reason that Cory is here is me. I can’t tell her.”
“Which is why he will tell her… you do understand that, right?” Chamber explained, hinting at Cory spilling this secret to Marielle.
Vincent sighed and looked down into his lap, “I can’t win, can I? No matter what I do now, things are set.”
“They are, yes.”
Vincent shrugged both shoulders, “I just wanted my wife,” he whispered, trying to stop another wave of tears. “She was everything to me.”
Chamber leaned in. “I know. I could hardly walk away from her, Vincent. I felt emptiness in my chest for weeks… I know.” There was silence for a long while as a waitress came and refilled both of their coffees and brought a plate of cookies. Chamber’s mind traveled to the night he’d escorted Marielle back to Valorant from the subway and how he’d watched her get in safely, and had breathed her name- “You are welcome, Masin.” He’d so desperately wanted to hold her, and kiss her. But he was a stranger to her, and she was Vincent’s.
“Am I a villain?”
Chamber scoffed as if this was the most obvious thing in the world. “We are, yes.” Vincent looked up at him with sad eyes. “Vincent, we kill people for money. We have lived most of our lives in the shadows with no close friends. We have seduced many, many women before we settled down, and every last thing that we’ve done is for selfish reasons. You’re a selfish prick, accept it.” Vincent was silent, thinking on this, “You’re a villain, but you’re a good villain.”
“I don’t think those two things can exist in the same sentence.” He shook his head, rolling his sleeves up, and scratching at the tattoos on his arm. “Good how?”
“You’re loyal to your wife. You consider the needs of others when you make friends,” he lifted a finger to stop Vincent protesting, “when you make friends,” he repeated. “You are faithful, controlled, and strong. You’d make a good father.”
Vincent bristled at the word father. “But I’m not trustworthy, and I’m selfish.” He stared into nothing for a moment. “I’m a murderer.”
“So are mob bosses, but some of them are still good men.” Chamber replied dismissively. “Now, let’s talk about Banh Uh.” Chamber pulled a sheet of paper that had no typing on it out of Dracula and put it down on the table. Then he pulled a pen from the inside of his blue vest and began to draw a diagram of a city block filling it in quickly with buildings and cobblestone. Vincent scooted around the table with his chair, and looked over the drawing. “The parade is at two o’clock,” he drew two lines, “the guards will be stationed here, here, and here,” he gestured with the tip of the pen. “There are two towers here, and one over here. I think the best way to go about this is to position you here,” he pointed, “and me here.”
Vincent was still looking off distantly as he considered everything that had been said. “Do you think that he’ll be okay?” he asked cutting Chamber off.
“I don’t know… but I know that he’s in love with her.”
Vincent leaned his chin in the palm of his hand, “Okay. How do you know that?”
“Think about this from his perspective for a second, Vincent… He is a sexual addict, he’s in love with Marielle. He knows that she’s going to bed every night with you, and exactly what that means, and he’s also acutely aware that he may never have her,” he gave Vincent a serious look, “and he’s abstaining… Do you know how difficult that is for him?”
“I hate the bastard.”
“You love the bastard… that’s part of your problem. If you didn’t love him, this would be easy for you, you selfish prick.”
“You mean that I would have been able to just shoot him that day.”
“Oui.”
There was silence for a moment. “Did you just call yourself a selfish prick?”
“I did…” Chamber lifted Vincent’s hand by the wrist and whacked Vincent in the chest with it, “stop hitting yourself.”
“If I had a glove, I’d slap you across the face.”
***
Tearfully, Marielle looked over the two papers sitting in front of her on her desk; one for her, one for him.
Maybe I just tear them up right now… maybe I can burn them. There’s still time. She thought looking up at the clock.
She picked them both up, and went to the trash bin… yes… no… No, I can’t. She drew them back from the trash and went to her window, reading part of them over them quietly.
I, _________________ agree to the terms thus stated in this contract until the day and the hours are completed, at which point I will agree to cease any and all sexual, physical, or mental contact that would press a further affair.
I will agree that at the end of the year, we are parting ways and will not resume contact with one another unless necessary.
Austin Rancor will travel to Hong Kong as planned, and Marielle Chaenes will remain in California. Sign this with the words I promise. _________________.
Every last word hurt like someone was taking an exacto knife to her arm and pressing and slowly pulling with each sentence.
She went to the window and looked out over the courtyard; to that table where she’d slid that Queen of Hearts card to Austin… what had she been thinking, then? She looked back down at the contract. Why do this to him? Again, her mind went to the card… this… Why do that to him?
You love him. Her mind screamed back.
“I know… I know… Why torture him?”
Because he needs it. Remember?
Her mind glossed over for a moment, possessively. “What if I want him? What if I can’t do this because I just want him? I just want to do what he says? I want to run with him and never look back. What if I can make it work?”
It won’t work. He’s too obsessed with you. He’s too addicted. He’ll start to spin out. He’ll start to try and possess you. That’s where it started, Marielle… his need. He needed you to calm him. He needed you to satisfy him. Remember what Vincent told you? He hurt you just so you’d move through his body. Probably just to help his intense anxiety. Tundra became so anxious and needful of you that all he could do was possess you and force you.
“Okay, let’s start with he’s not Tundra,” Marielle growled at herself, more than a little aware that her heartrate had sped up and that she was shaking from the memories of that man trying to stuff a blade between her lips.
That’s the whole reason that we’re where we’re at, Marielle. He might not ever be Tundra… but if he’s anything like he was in the other dimension before he started murdering and- before he started killing, you both are going to be so unhappy. He’s using you… He believes that he needs you. Show him he can do this on his own.
Marielle growled, loudly as she grabbed at her short dark hair. “I don’t want to do this to him!” She wailed, and she was suddenly alerted to the tingling and crawling down the backs of her arms and down her back. She scratched at her shoulders… no help. “Not to mention that I don’t want to do this to Vincent, either. I have never been this kind of woman in my life!” She sighed, and sat on the window ledge looking down at the courtyard again.
She could see Mateo and Tala in the distance. They were walking together, and Wingman was waddling closely behind. She saw him give her a soft smile, and reach down. Unbelievably, he laced their fingers together and the two continued to walk. They were talking, and Marielle couldn’t hear them, but based on their body language, she saw a budding friendship and perhaps a romance, there.
She couldn’t begin to imagine what Tala’s father was feeling like as her eyes drifted to the area where they’d buried Sasha and Tala’s body. They were mostly obscured from her angle- you could see them better from the guest rooms, but she knew they were there, and for a moment, her tears were directed at that loss.
Valorant had lost both, but she had as well, and she’d had very little time to grieve or even process or consider it, and now this…
She looked back down at the contract trembling in her hands, and slowly slipped it onto her desk, adjacent to the paper that was hers.
There was a moment where she stared at both – or maybe it was ten minutes – she honestly lost track of time, and then there was a knock at the door.
Oh no…
She took a deep breath, trying to clear her mind.
She could just tell him to walk with her to the car. They could go get dinner, and stare into one another’s eyes all night. Yeah. That sounded wonderful.
Focus, focus…
She let him in.
Austin’s eyes were bright, and rested, and he reached out and pulled her to him long before she ever closed the door. In fact, he closed it for them.
They held one another for a moment. “You look really good,” she whispered.
He nodded. “Can I kiss you? I want to,” he whispered. “I’ve thought about it all day.”
She was biting her bottom lip, nervously, and already trying to hide tears. “Wait a minute, you might not want to anymore…”
He pulled her back a bit and stared into her eyes, then he felt her heart pounding and realized. “Something’s wrong… what is it?” he asked, eyes widening.
She gestured to the couch, “sit down,” she whispered.
He shook his head, sensing now that this wasn’t about anything other than the two of them and that whatever it was, it was bad. She gestured again; insisting and he shakily went down.
“I’ve thought so much… and I know how much we’ve talked about all of this.” He stared at her, his heart continuing to pick up pace in terror. “Austin, you’ve been the only man… the one man in my life that’s gotten me to cross every boundary, every threshold, every rule that I’ve ever had for myself.” He started to speak, she stopped him, “and I wanted to. Don’t – don’t for one minute think that I’m implying that you made me do it. I wanted to, Austin.” He gave her a small smirk, and looked down bashfully, “I still want to…” She whispered. She paused, he knew there was a but coming. “But I can’t keep living this way.” She could see how hard he swallowed, and even though there was no gulp sound she heard it, too. “My story with Vincent is not done yet,” his eyes slammed closed and he let out a scoff, and his head began to hang. “It’s not over, and I can’t continue to live between the two of you, and watch the pain on his face.”
“No, Marielle, no… this is simple,” he began, getting up and going to her where he put his hands on the sides of her face, “just tell him you’re done, just tell h-”
She cut him off again, “I can’t, Austin.”
His face contorted and he looked up for a moment, trying to find his breath and then back down, again. “No, no, no, no,” he was breathing, pleading. “Just… just run with me. Just run away with me. We’ll be fine, I’ll keep you safe,” he whispered, meeting her eyes again.
She took a step back, and that was when his eyes became saucers of fear. “I will not continue to live between the two of you,” she reiterated.
“I don’t understand,” he said, shakily. “You… you just told me that you loved me.” He closed his eyes tightly.
She smiled, softly. “I do.” The two simplest words – I do… they echoed in his mind. He’d been imagining her saying them in a different context the entire flight back.
He looked out the window, confused, breaking into small pieces in his mind and flying away. He could only manage one word. “Why?”
“I’m trying to explain it to you… you need to listen. I’m with Vincent. I’ve been living two lives for months now. One in his bed, and the other in your arms,” she said.
“Where you belong,” he replied through clenched teeth, under his breath.
She heard him, but ignored it. “I cannot do that anymore, Austin. It’s not me… it never was.”
The part about it that truly caused his chest to feel like it was caving in was that he knew that it wasn’t her. It was one of the things that he loved about her the most… that she was faithful; he’d tempted her to be unfaithful. It dawned on him how difficult this must be for her, and how horrible it made him as a person. He’d caused her to go against her morals and standards. That wasn’t okay. He wanted it anyways, but it was another part of himself that he promised that he would kill later; he’d never intentionally cause her to stumble into his arms again… but not yet. He was still waiting for the punchline, here. “Then what do you want?” He asked shakily.
She glanced at the desk, and he followed her gaze. There were two sheets of paper on the top, and he narrowed his eyes at both in confusion. She gestured to them with a nod and he went to the desk and picked one up, skimming it.
“This is a contract,” he whispered. There was a lot of writing; front and back of the page. He glimpsed the other, it appeared identical to the one that he was holding.
Scratching the back of his head, he wandered to the window and looked out in thought before he glanced back down at the piece of paper that he was holding like it would snap and sink its teeth into him. Then his eyes went to her back as she stared out the window as well.
He’d watched her from a similar spot the next room over as she sat with Vincent over three months ago; feeling the pang of jealousy as he realized that all of this was going to be harder than he’d thought… much harder. He had no idea how much harder.
He began to silently read the contract. The details began to blur in his mind, but essentially what it said was that she would allow them one day… one last day. They would play out a scenario- they were lovers saying goodbye. His eyes fell on the lines, “I will be fully and completely open to you about my feelings, my desires, and my love. I will be yours in entirety, save one specific thing,” he sighed, knowing already what that was. “I will not sleep with you, and not in any version of what that looks like. You will not touch, kiss, (or any variation on those adjectives) any part of me that would be considered private or intimate. The rest of my body, however,” his eyes widened a little, “is free to you,” blood pumped through him, causing his loins to stir. “You are free to kiss, touch, caress, stroke, bite, and play with me… my hands, arms, legs, feet, shoulders, stomach, back, face, mouth, ears, head…” He closed his eyes, already imagining what he’d do to her if he signed this, and the freedom of it moved him to ecstasy. She wouldn’t tell him no… she wouldn’t say, “no more.” Then he came back down a little… but only for twenty-four hours. His jaw tensed in frustration. No. It wasn’t acceptable. He wanted all of her, and forever. Then a strange irony hit him… and again he realized his love for her because three months ago, he would have been racing to sign something that looked exactly like this. Now it was unacceptable to him.
His eyes welled as he turned back to her. “No,” he shook his head and tossed the contract into the trash, “no,” he repeated more sternly. Then he went to her, staring her down. “Now you come into my arms, where you belong,” he whispered gently commanding her.
She shook her head slowly, methodically and gestured back to the contract with her head. “That… that is what I’m willing to do.”
He turned his head, “I don’t understand,” he whispered. “I don’t und- you love me.”
“I do, I do so much.”
“Then why?”
“We’re talking in circles now,” silent tears were streaming down her face. “This… this or nothing, Austin.”
“What,-” he began to breathe unevenly, and he put a hand to his heart as his little boy began to emerge. “What did I do?” He asked her, and her heart shattered.
She wanted to think or scream nothing. You’ve done nothing. This is necessary for you to grow, but she steeled herself and said, “nothing. This is just what we’re going to do.”
He leaned into her, his hand snaking around her waist, pulling her against his body. “What did I do? I can fix it, darling, I can change it,” he begged. Then he put his head to her shoulder when she continued to shake her head and he quietly sobbed. “I’m sorry, whatever it was- I’m sorry,” he breathed. “I’m so sorry,” he continued, hating himself. -Darling, what did I do? How can I change it?
“No, Austin,” she whispered, shaking. -God, I can’t do this.
-That’s right, you can’t. Just tear them up. Just run away with me. We’ll be together, that’s all that matters. He was already slightly moving toward the door. It was hardly a movement, but she sensed it all the same.
“Austin,” she said, sternly. “I’m going to do this.”
“No,” he groaned, and he fell against the wall, and slipped to the floor, putting his cheek against her lower stomach and clung to her. “Please, God, no.”
She went to her knees, forcing him to let her go as she took hold of his wrists and moved them off her. “It’s this or nothing, Austin.”
He looked deeply, brokenly into her eyes, “Don’t do this… don’t separate us.”
“This is what I’ve decided.”
“What did I do?” He whispered, and his expression was like a puppy who’d accidentally broken a vase and knew that he was in trouble, but couldn’t quite comprehend why.
“I…cannot…live like this.”
“Then don’t,” he reached a hand out, but dropped it quickly. “Come with me… be with me.” He gave her a diminutive smile.
She shook her head, “No, Austin.”
“Come with me,” he repeated.
“No, Austin,” she reiterated, flatly.
He growled angrily and stood away from her. “This is so mean,” he whispered under his breath.
She tried to hide how those words affected her. “This or nothing, Austin.” She went to the trash can and pulled it out. “Read it again.”
“Hand that thing to me and I’ll burn it,” he hissed through tears and clenched teeth.
“Then you get nothing.”
He growled and turned away from her and the blasted devil in her hand. “No,” he whispered, wandering a little. “No,” he whirled back to her and pointed, “you know that I want what’s on that paper!” He shouted. Then he swallowed, calming himself a little. “But if I say yes to this then I’m saying yes to an end.”
“This or nothing, Austin, this or nothing… this or we end this now…” He couldn’t find air, he needed her. He needed her to help him. Like a toddler being asked to be picked up, he reached his hand out instinctively searching for her fingers. “And then you’ll go to Hong Kong and then it’ll be done… it’ll be done.”
“I don’t want this to end,” he breathed; pleading with his eyes, and dropping his hand when he realized both that she wasn’t going to meet it, and that he was doing it at all.
“Maybe you need something to end. You need something to hurt you this deeply.” He scoffed, looked down, and shook his head. “Be honest, has anything ever hurt you this deeply?”
“Nothing has ever hurt me this deeply!” He raged, and it was the first time that he’d ever truly yelled at her.
She closed her eyes, afraid, and tormented. “That’s why you need it…”
He turned, wanting the floor to open and swallow him whole; the room was tight and there was nowhere to go. “Fuck,” he whispered under his breath.
“We’ll have it, we’ll enjoy it and we’ll say goodbye at the end of the year. And that’ll be that, it’ll be done.”
He paused for a moment, considering. “Is this what you want? Is this what you really want?” He looked back to her with tear-streaked eyes, “D-did Vincent threaten you?”
She shook her head adamantly. “We’re not going to talk about what I want anymore… this is what I’m telling you that we’re doing. I have to have the control in this relationship right now, Austin.”
He stroked his chin for a moment, and another thought occurred to him; another possible reason that she could be doing this. He looked at her with wide eyes, “are you pregnant?” he asked compassionately.
She shook her head. “Not as far as I know.”
He sighed with relief. His knees bent a little as he came back around the desk, trying to take hold of her hand, she pulled back a little. “Why? Why are you doing this?” He knew that he was a broken record now, but he couldn’t stop himself.
“This isn’t me, Austin. I said yes to him, I never said yes to you.”
“You said yes to me when you told me that you loved me,” he growled, tight lipped. She looked down, shamefully, she should have listened to the apparition of him the other day in the training room. He’d been right, she regretted it, now. “Why would you tell me that you love me and then do this? I just want to be with you.”
She shook her head as another wave of tears overcame her. “It’s not an option.”
“Why? Why are you doing this? I love you. I can’t lie to you… why-”
“Because I’m not going to let you break me this time…”
His gaze flicked up then down at her face again. “I never broke you… that thing broke her!” He yelled, gesturing violently in the direction of the morgue. She remained silent, resolved. “So, you’re just going to stand there and break my heart.”
“Yes. And just so you know, Vincent knows nothing about this… I’m ending this between you and I. I told you… it was always going to be him.”
He scoffed and shook his head like he was realizing how stupid he was. “You’re right. You have always told me what you wanted, and it’s always been him… with your mouth.” He said darkly. Then he put his fingers into her hair. “But your mind and your heart say me, and you can’t change or hide that anymore. I know what I want- I want us, forever. You and me; life together.”
“No. I’ll stay here with Vincent or go back to France and… we won’t see each other again, ever.”
The word ever felt like a heart attack, panic gripped him, his muscles became taut. “You can’t be doing this. You can’t be doing this. I’m in love with you. I’ve waited my whole life to feel this and now you’re telling me that I can’t have it.”
“Yes. And I’m done talking about it. This or nothing,” she insisted once more.
He raised a hand and she could see how hard it was shaking. He put it to her cheek, then the other to her other cheek, and gently squeezed, “Just make me understand.”
“Because I made a decision and I am keeping to it.”
“Even though you love me?” He pressed, gently, knowing that he was pushing now, and that it was going to do him no good. He knew he was giving in.
“Yes. Because if I don’t, you’re going to kill me!”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You’re not going to… because I’m not going to let you get that far.”
His face contorted in agony. “You are going to throw away everything that we have because you’re scared?”
“Yes!” She finally raised her voice to him.
Silence past between them as they both silently stared at one another and cried. “Yeah,” he whispered, shakily, slowly letting her face go.
“This or nothing.” She put the paper back into his hand and gestured down to it with her eyes. -Read it. Then she turned back toward the window, putting a wall up between them so that he could look over it again like he was alone.
“Okay…this…” he agreed, shaking as he lost the fight to argue her.
This… This Queen of hearts card that meant that there was still hope. Now there was none. He wandered like a man going to the electric chair back to the couch where he fell into it. “Okay, Marielle,” he whispered, letting out a ragged breath and hating every word coming out of his own mouth. “Whatever you want, darling,” he cried dejectedly as he hung his wrists over his knees.
He watched her back for a moment, then looked back down at the contract and reading it over once more, reading all the fine print as he sniffed and wiped away tears. “Fine, Marielle…” he whispered, “I submit.”
She put her hand to her gaping mouth. She didn’t expect that. She heard him go to her desk, take a pen from the cup, and she heard him sign his name, the words I promise and throw the pen to the desk top as if he was throwing his entire life away. “Whatever you want,” he repeated, shaking his head.
He took in a deep breath, and sat back down on the couch, digging his nails into the arm rest for a moment before releasing it from his attempt at strangling something other than himself. “When do we start?” he asked.
She stood for a moment, trying to fix her face before she turned to him. “For that gesture,” she spoke gently, signing her copy, and then she slowly went to him and slid over his knees, straddling his lap, and leaning in, “now,” she whispered, seductively. He looked up at her with deep, astonished eyes. “Yes,” she murmured, brushing the tip of her nose against his. “I did just give you an extra twelve hours.” He sighed, relieved.
“So… I can-”
“You read the contract; you know the rules.” He nodded, still wiping away tears. He put his hand behind her back and gently drew her against him, his heart pounding the entire time. “I’m yours,” she breathed, huskily. He pulled her so close, and held so tightly that they felt like one entity. She had to move her knees around his hips to do so and instantly, both knew how difficult this was going to be. So, in order to maintain control, Austin merely held her, gently rocking. A minute passed, more… five minutes, and neither wanted to let go. “I’m yours,” she repeated.
“I am so in love with you,” he whispered.
“I’m in love with you, too.” Another tear escaped and she reached up, wiping it from his handsome face. “Don’t cry, Austin. Savor it,” she whispered. “Time is precious.”
He swallowed hard, knowing altogether too well as he glanced at the clock on the wall… Time would not stop for him. It would not yield; and he couldn’t freeze it. “Spend every moment with me,” he panted, kissing her temple, that was a safe zone. She nodded; her cheek pressed against his pounding heart. He pulled back, and they stared at one another for a moment before he leaned in and kissed her, and this time his hands dug into her upper back, urging that part of her against him. They both became lost for a few minutes, before he whispered, “this is all I’ve ever wanted…” Then he held her again. “Where do you want to go, darling?” he whispered.
She pulled back enough to put her forehead to his, so she was looking down at him, “Everywhere,” she murmured. “All of our favorite places.”
He smirked, “then go back to your apartment… I’m taking you to your favorite room,” he whispered, kissing her shoulder. Her eyes danced with the joy of a little girl going to Disneyland. She was, really. “Dress warm, it’ll be cold tonight, and I’m taking you on my bike,” he added. She smiled at him. He continued to press her breasts against his chest. “You’re mine tonight.”
“I am,” she agreed. “I love you,” she whispered.
“I love you, too,” he said, feeling elation at being able to say the words so freely. “God, I love you so much.” He squeezed her tightly again, trying to bury himself in her body, warmth, and comfort. He gestured to the door with his head, “I’m going to go before I lose control, here… the top of your desk is looking a little too open and inviting. I’m very tempted to lay you right over that contract and take my precious time breaking every line.” She giggled, and didn’t tell herself to stop as she had so many times before. He combed her dark hair back behind her ear over and over and over, “there’s my girl,” he said, squeezing her one more time, “no more lies… not today.” She stood and he stood with her. “You tell me, Marielle. You tell me everything.” He wasn’t letting go. “I want to hear it a thousand times, I want to hear it as many times as I can,” he breathed, gently holding her shoulders.
“I love you, Austin.”
“Oh, God, yes…” He whispered, his head rolling back a little. “I love you…I love you…” He purred. It continued in his thoughts like a song on repeat. -I love you. I love you so much. I am so in love with you. “Go home,” he ordered. “Get ready, you have a little more than an hour.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to do something for you,” he said secretively. She couldn’t read his thoughts on that one. “Then I’m going to go home, shower, shave, dress. What do you want me to wear?”
“Black jeans, teal button up?”
“Then you shall have it,” he murmured, happily and he started for the door, shaking his head at her adoringly before he ran down the hall, went down the elevator, found Han, grabbed her wrist and pulled her up from her game with Jamie. “Hey…” he said. She looked at him in shock. “I need a favor; can you spare half an hour?” She glanced at Jamie who nodded that he was okay with this. She turned to Austin and nodded, “then come with me while I do something.”
“Okay…” Her eyes shifted suspiciously.
“Perfect,” he said, dragging her off to go find Kirra.