CONTAINS CONTENT:
Brief, strong language. (and) A BRIEF moment of non-graphic female self-gratification.
{{Unedited}}
Marielle sat up in bed, and glanced over at Vincent. He appeared asleep, laying on his side, clutching his pillow – her, in his dreams, anyway – to his body, and he was softly snoring.
The nightstand held his glasses, and the equipment from his body. The rifle – Tour De Force – was resting against the wall next to it, and Headhunter was sitting just within reach. He was shirtless, and partially wrapped from the waist down in the sheet; no tattoos, just beautiful, toned, bare skin. She wanted to caress his back, but feared his reaction.
She snuck to the living room couch where her laptop was, instead.
Felix jumped up, meowing. “Shhhh, kitty,” Marielle whispered giving his head a little rub, and checking over her shoulder for Vincent. No movement.
She opened her browser and typed in “Snake tattoos and symbolism.” The results were a slew of photos of snake tattoos – none of which looked quite like Austin’s – and some articles on tattoos and symbolism in general. Quick search said, “strength” and “Power.”
Strength? Probably not. Power? Maybe… sexual power? Certainly. Sexual temptation and power? That sounded right.
Why did she care so much?
Marielle scoffed at herself for caring and her fingertips, which had been on her right shoulder, drifted over her bare collar bone. She took a sharp breath, and the intense wave of delicious feelings washed over her; Austin’s small bites.
Her eyes fluttered back a little, as she stroked her own skin, semi desperate to recreate the intense feelings that he had given her; the ones that were nearly impossible to say no to. Her mind flashed with the vibrant blue in his eyes, and the icy sensation moving down her collar as; it shocked her to find gooseflesh now.
Her head rolled back a little, and for a moment she was in a mild ecstasy, remembering and drinking it in; finally, alone to think and feel however she wanted. She conjured his hair brushing against her, the sound of the small moan that had escaped his lips, and every little breath that hitched and jerked, but mostly she thought about his teeth and how they sank into her and how each had been a cruel and torturous mix of pain and insanely intense pleasure. She couldn’t stop thinking about it.
Her next thought was ‘venom.’ He’d bitten her, and now it was in her blood; in her soul and in her skin. She was itching for him to do it again. “He’s poisoned me,” she whispered angrily. She felt her cheeks grow hot with rage, because like the old adage- when it came to a snake’s venom, the only antidote was more Austin.
Her heart had sped up. Without much thought about what she was doing, her other hand began to slide down her stomach, and then lower…and lower as she recalled each memory and movement and for a moment, she was lost in the deliciously guilty pleasure.
Then she heard the bed shift down the hall, and she jerked back upright, removing her hand from the inside of her pants, and closing a few windows on the screen, fuming internally at Austin. He’d poisoned her.
Vincent came down the hall, and stood in the doorframe in his pajama pants. “Are you okay?” He asked gently.
She nodded, looking over some of the pages that were still open. He slid in behind her, on his knees beside the arm of the couch, and looked her screen over. “Snakes?”
“I did a course a few months ago about animals and their symbolism.”
“Viper?”
She nodded. Oh no… she was lying to him. She stifled a sigh. He was lying to her, too. She didn’t know what about, but his refusal to tell her about what he was hiding and his quick agreement to give her the guns that she so desperately wanted was proof that he would keep his secrets as well. She swallowed, and read over the screen.
“You’re sweating, love,” he breathed, leaning in and kissing her temple.
“It’s so hot in here,” she whispered, fanning herself.
“I’ll get you some water.” He stood and went to the kitchen, returning moments later with a glass. She took it, put it against her cheek – which was hot with desire – and exhaled, drinking some.
Vincent sat behind the computer, but on the couch with her and looked her over. She got the sense that he knew what was going on, but he wasn’t going to talk about it or push it.
“Did I wake you?” She asked, taking another sip.
“No. I slept next to you for over three years, Masin. I know when you’re not there.” He raked his hair back. “I just wanted to know that you were okay.”
She gave him a bit of a forced smile, and closed the rest of the windows on her laptop. “I guess I’m okay.”
He shook his head, “No, I don’t think you are…” He took her left foot into his hands and began to gently knead it, driving out tension, and stress. She sighed and looked him in the eye. “Masin, I want you to feel like you can talk to me about anything,” he said, quietly.
“You keep secrets from me, Vincent. It makes me want to keep secrets from you,” she replied sharply. “I don’t like that you are more willing to give me my guns than you are willing to talk to me.”
He leaned back a little, tipping his chin up at her, and staring at her down his nose. “Fair,” he said with a nod. “I’ll tell you what… I give you permission to ask me anything you want; one question and I will answer truthfully, I promise.” His thumbs dug into the arch of her foot firmly, and gently drove out the knots. “Anything,” he said.
She swallowed hard, looking into his handsome face. “What did you do to Cory? Why does he hate you so much?”
Vincent took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, but remained focused and in control. There was silence for a few moments only filled with the sound of Felix purring. Then the answer came out quickly, “I killed their parents, both of them, and a brother they had.” She narrowed her eyes at him, wanting more than that. He read it, and although he hadn’t promised an explanation, he gave her one. “The O’Fallons worked for Kingdom, they possessed not only the technology, but the radianite that I needed to open portals. They had the rest of the research as well and were working on the development of dimensional travel. I was almost there; I needed the rest… I only wanted to steal it, but when I went there, I was met with hostility. I did what I needed to do.”
She tried to hide any reaction. “You- you killed his parents?”
“Hers too.”
The weight of this hadn’t yet registered. She only wanted to know more as she swallowed hard and turned away from him for a moment. “You said- last night, you said that the people you’ve killed always deserved it.”
“I’ll admit, that was a lie,” he said distantly. “I have killed without remorse or consideration before. I… don’t want to be that man,” he explained.
She eyed him. “Cory’s family were-”
“They had ties to the Irish mob. They weren’t directly involved, but their ties still made me not really flinch at taking them out.”
There was silence for a long period of time.
“Vincent, do you have the vaguest idea of how many people you’ve killed?”
He sighed. This was another question, and that wasn’t part of the deal, but he wanted to ease some of her mind. “These questions are not going to put your mind at ease, Masin,” he voiced.
She nodded. “No, I know that.” There was silence for a while as she pet Felix, and he rolled over onto his back, stretching his paws as if reaching for something that she couldn’t see.
Again, Vincent answered quickly. “I don’t know, no. But I’ve had a long career, and at this point it’s uncountable.” Her throat felt dry. She knew this. She’d worked it out in her mind, but hearing him say it out loud felt slimy. The heat and the intense feeling of emptiness in her stomach was starting to knot her up. The world seemed to be tilting a little; everything becoming slightly skewed. She didn’t remember him moving, but the next thing that she knew, he was there, at her side. “Masin,” he said tenderly. “I’m sorry.” He pulled her close to him, tucking her against his body. “I guess… I forget that you don’t know all of these things.”
She paused for a moment, watching Felix’s chest rise and fall. One of his little ears twitched as if something had touched it, but he continued sleeping. “Why did we fall in love? In your world, I mean.”
“Because I took care of you.” He swallowed hard and looked off distantly in some memory. “I protected you from… something terrible.”
She leaned a bit closer, interested. “What?”
He sighed and pulled back looking down at her and shaking his head. “Not tonight, love.” He took gentle hold of her cheeks. “I loved you. I loved almost nothing but you.”
“Almost?”
“I love myself.” He explained, combing through her hair.
“Because you’re selfish.”
He nodded distantly. “Oui.”
She looked up at him; curious and confused. “Chamber?” She shook her head. “You said repeatedly that you only trust yourself. Do you trust Chamber?”
He nodded, “That’s what I meant, yes. To an extent.”
“An extent?”
“Let’s just say that I learned during my travels that things are not always the way you want them to be. In some worlds, Chamber is worse than me. In this world, he’s the most like me that I had found yet… without the love and loss of you.”
A few moments of silence. “Vincent… what was the terrible thing that you protected me from in your world?”
He looked away, although still holding her cheek to his bare chest. When he spoke, he was gentle. “I’ve answered enough questions for now, love. I’ll answer no more tonight. But I will tell you that you were broken, and I gave you love.” He paused. “Now let me ask my question.” She swallowed hard, and nodded. He sat back, looking at her face. “Are you in love with Austin?”
She felt like he’d stabbed her in the last few minutes, and now he was slowly twisting the knife. The fact that she didn’t immediately answer loomed over her. Lie? Tell the truth? What was the truth? Why had she slipped Austin that Queen of Hearts card? Why did she care about what he did with his bedroom life? Why was she so unbelievably attracted to him? Was that all that her desire was about? Attraction? Or was there something more? She was so angry at him for what he’d done to her that she couldn’t imagine loving him… and yet, at the very mention of the question, her heart had sped up.
Vincent knew that she was trying to hide her feelings… Did he know about the snake tattoo, as well?
The question had just dangled in the air like a carrot on a stick. “I- I don’t know.”
“If you are… we can work it out.”
She tilted her head at him, “How can we work it out if I’m in love with another man?” she asked curiously.
“Because I’ll tell you some things about him that will make you not quite so infatuated,” he insisted.
“I… do you know- he said you knew who he was.”
Vincent nodded, once. “Yes, I know that he’s a government spy and that he’s here to kill me if I make the wrong moves.” He paused. “I also know that he’s pretty much a crack shot, and that we’ve,” he rolled his hand for a moment as if trying to land on the best way to put it, “had it out in a few different versions of ourselves.”
Realization moved across her expression, “That’s how you knew he could protect me.” Vincent nodded. “I want to be clear, Marielle, I know that for the most part that you can protect yourself. But I also know that we’re dealing with things that you simply don’t understand. Someone like Austin is an asset in many ways in these situations.”
“Which is why you wanted him in the training with us.”
He nodded again. “He doesn’t need it. But while he’s on loan to us from the government, he does need to learn how to play on a team,” Vincent finished.
“He,” – she worried her lip – “he tried to seduce me tonight.”
“I know,” Vincent said firmly. “And I know that you turned him down despite wanting him.”
“You know that I want him?” She asked and she knew that her attempt at hiding the horror on her face wasn’t working.
Vincent scoffed, “Have you looked at him? Everyone wants him. He gets like ten points just for the hair alone,” he chuckled.
“But is he only hair?” Marielle laughed.
Vincent joined her levity. There was a pause. “I know that wanting him and loving him are two different things. Do you want to be with me right now?”
She nodded. “Yes.” She knew that she’d said that a little too quickly for comfort.
“Then let’s lay a ground rule for the moment, because I know that you are working your feelings out,” he gave her a deadly serious look, “do not sleep with him. If you sleep with him, we’re done.”
“I wasn’t planning on it. That was one area where I know that I won’t go any time soon.”
“Good.”
The reality was that she was uncertain, but she knew that she felt the most secure with Vincent. She felt the strongest pull to him, or at least she had until that venomous snake had bitten her.
***
Vincent had gone straight to the training room when they got to Valorant and Marielle spent some time sitting in her office, and pretending that she could hide from Austin who she knew was only a door away in his own office.
It didn’t take long for there to be a knock and for Austin to wander in.
He looked pale, but she wasn’t sure about the rest because he was wearing dark sunglasses. “Too bright in here for you?” She growled.
“I didn’t exactly sleep well,” he replied, leaning on the door and shoving his hands in his pockets. There was a beat. “How are you?” he asked, quietly.
“Devastated,” she replied, quickly.
“I mean I knew that I was good, but-”
She raised a hand. “Don’t. Don’t joke with me, right now.”
He licked his dry lips. “Sorry,” he whispered, looking down. “Can we talk?”
She looked around like he was stupid. “We are talking,” she hissed and she hated how much she sounded like Sabine in her tone.
“You know that I mean about last night.”
“I don’t think you want me to talk about last night, Austin.”
He shrugged, “I kind of do.” He shrugged exaggeratedly a second time, and briefly looked up. “I want to know where I stand with you.”
She scribbled something on a piece of paper, and slammed her pen down on the desk, with a loud thud. “Not here. People can hear, and I don’t want any more talking than there’s already going to be in the peanut gallery.”
He nodded, understanding. “Follow me?” His eyes wandered toward the door.
He led her all the way to the stairwell, down, through the building and out the back door where they were on a small set of concrete steps, which led to a space near the pool, and not too far from the guest rooms. Marielle could look up and see their balconies. No one was ever in this area.
They were both silent for a moment, and he was looking off towards the pool. “Are you really going to pretend that you didn’t completely want me too, last night?”
“I don’t exactly think that’s the point.”
“Then what’s the point?” He growled, frustratedly.
Her tone became icy. “I told you no.” He looked down between them, shamefully. “God, what am I to you?” she asked, tears welling in her eyes.
He let out a long sigh and shrugged, his hands still in his pockets. “You’re my best friend.”
“So you-” she made a disgusted face at him, “you tried to screw your best friend?”
He sighed again, finally removing the sunglasses for a moment, but only to watch as he cleaned them with the hem of his teal button up. He hung them off his collar, no longer interested in hiding from her. “Well, when you put it like that… I thought that who I was was pretty clear.”
“It was- I just… expected more from you. My mistake.” The look of disappointment that flashed across his expression before he closed his eyes was difficult to process. “Yeah,” she said, agreeing with herself. “You tried to screw your best friend.”
He looked at her again. “No, I tried to make love to someone that I care about, deeply.”
Her eyes narrowed at him like he was crazy, “Oh my g- make lov- why did you do this to me, Austin?” She stammered.
And for maybe the first time since they’d known one another he truly raised his voice to her, “Am I- was I not clear?” He growled. “I’m heavily, deeply, mortifyingly attracted to you… and I’m a sexual addict, okay?”
“Yeah? What else, please, keep going… completely ruin this,” she snarled, daring him.
He rose to the challenge, raising his left hand, making an O shape with his fingers and thumb. “I… want you. I want you so badly… and I want you to want me so intensely that you don’t even care about what you want anymore, you only care about what I want and what a blessing it would be to give it to me.” He took another step toward her. “I want you crawling on your hands and knees for me… Was that clear enough?” He barked. “Truthful enough? Or do I have to spell it out for you?” He seethed. “Do I have to show you,” he dared. They both glared at each other, wondering who was going to take the first swing, and who was going to catch it, and force an impassioned kiss.
Her eyes pierced right through him and his pride. His confident mask slipped, and he winced as if trying to hold back tears although she saw none, and covered his face with his wrist. “Leave me alone,” he begged.
“Oh my God, Austin, you need so much help,” she breathed, raggedly.
He put his hands on his hips, and looked off. “Yeah.”
Her anger overpowered her disdain. A breeze caught his hair and moved it across his face. It did the same to her. “You knew what you were doing the moment that you almost hit the ground in the alley, didn’t you?” She growled.
He jumped on her words, “Before, and you knew what you were doing when you came into my bedroom,” he said matter of factly. “Don’t deny it.” He was glaring at her, and he’d taken a step closer to her again.
She was panting, ready to slap him again. “You know what gets me, right now? How much you used me last night. You know what kind of person I am and that I’d help you because I didn’t want you to eat side walk.” She wiped a tear away. “That’s why you were so quiet in the cab, you knew exactly what you were about to try to do… I can’t even believe that I fell for all of that,” she spat.
They spoke fast, on top of what each other was saying like lightning strikes. “Oh, and let’s be clear, Marielle, you did fall for it. You fell for every bit of it.” He tensed his jaw, “You wanted to see what would happen if you pushed things just a little bit…” he pinched his thumb and forefinger together, “so did I.” He paused. “So, I guess we both got what we wanted, huh?” She thought for a moment. She couldn’t argue any of this. She looked away. “You put that dress on for me, you let me hold you like…well, not like a friend would, you smile at me like you want everything that I have to offer you. You know that I can read all of this,” she swallowed, biting back more tears and trying to look away from him. His tone came out a little more subdued, then. “We’re good as friends, we could be good in the bedroom, too.” She swallowed hard, leaning over the railing of the stairs, and looking out to the pool. “And don’t you even try to tell me that you didn’t think about me later, I know you did.” He swallowed. “Were you alone, huh?” He pushed, coming a little closer, “Did you torture yourself the way that I torture myself every damn day?”
“Stop it!” She spat.
“Did you go home and use Vincent to cool yourself off? You know I could have done that for you-”
“Stop it!”
He scoffed. “How many times did you tell yourself not to come back to me before you actually convinced yourself not to?”
She put her face in her hands and shook her head. “Just stop it, Austin.”
He glared at her, and glanced down. “I know you did.”
“And I told you to stop.” She turned to him fully. “You want me to admit what, exactly? That I liked the feelings you gave me?”
“Yeah.”
“Of course I did. Neither of us are stupid, we both know how attracted we are to one another.”
He closed the gap between them even more. “Then why keep resisting me?” He bent his knees a little, and bounced once or twice. “You know you’re gonna give in sooner or later.”
“To what end- to what? You get me, and then what?”
He licked his lips, and his gaze was predatory in a bad way. His response came out cold, calculated. “Then I come get you again… and again.”
She was shaking, all that came out – and it barely came out for how upset she felt – was, “you pig.”
He nodded, straightening. “I know,” he said calmly.
This filled her pale cheeks with a deep hot red, and she steeled herself. “You total pig,” she said more harshly.
He swallowed, putting his hands in his pockets. “I know.”
Their eyes locked, “Oh, you disgusting pig!” She wailed. –Why did you do this? Why?
His I knows were coming out compassionately, now. And there was no hint of irony in the tone. He did know. “I know.” -I hate myself.
She took a swing at him, and he grabbed her wrist midair, and held it. “You…you…” She was breaking down. -I can’t walk away from you, and it’s killing me.
“I know,” he said again, in a comforting, pained tone. -I…hate…my…self… She started to sob, and he drew her against him, holding her there; her tears soaking his shirt. “I know,” he whispered, gently rocking her. “I know.”
She jerked away from him, feeling vulnerable… wanting to hold him closer. Wanting to let him kiss her, wanting to run away. Wanting to hit him again. None of it made any sense. His sad eyes met hers.
She shook her head, slowly. -You’ll just tear me apart.
-You don’t know that… but, I think I’ve put you off from me enough, now.
She tightened her eyes at him. “You’re pushing me away on purpose?” She pressed, through sobs.
“Shit…” he said, looking down. “Shouldn’t have met eyes with you so intensely,” he sighed. There was a pregnant pause, “I think it’s probably better that way, don’t you?” he asked, finally answering her question.
She shook her head, “No…” Then she drummed her lip in thought for a second, “I might be angry but… I don’t want you to manipulate me away from you. That’s not right, why would you do that?” She demanded.
“I can’t stop…” he said flatly. Then he pulled his gaze up to hers again. “I can’t stop,” he whispered.
“Yeah, I know, Austin. That’s like the dictionary definition of addiction… you can…not…stop…” There was a long pause as they looked at one another for a few moments. “But do you want to?”
-Yes. I do. I have just never been able to.
She cocked her head at him, narrowing her eyes inquisitively. “We are hearing each other’s thoughts, aren’t we?”
He nodded, slowly, his expression unsure, but searching for the answer. “When we’re very focused, I think so…” he replied, hesitantly. He wanted to reach over and wipe all her tears away. He restrained himself. “Want to test that theory?”
“How?” She was trying to stop crying.
“Think of something totally off the wall for this moment.”
They locked eyes, albeit, a little apprehensively, and definitely sadly.
-I want chocolate ice cream with butterscotch syrup on top.
He stepped closer to her again. “And I want to drizzle that syrup on you.”
She gasped and stepped back, her fingertips to her mouth. “Oh my God.”
“Oh my God,” he parroted. Not mocking her, it hit him as well. They both looked around, wondering who was nearby. Who could hear them? No one if they were focused enough.
-I want to drizzle that syrup all over you.
“Austin,” she breathed, tilting her head uncomfortably.
“Oh… my…God,” he repeated, panting. He put his hand to his chest, and kept it there, feeling his heart pound. “Something else,” he urged. -tempus fugit.
“German,” she stated, eyes still wide. “Time flies?” He was nodding quickly. His eyes saucers of shock mixed with a touch of horror. “What is going on?” She breathed, shakily.
“Wait it-” he stopped, thinking; his hand in a fist in the air and rolling as if he was trying to manifest the reason. “It’s because you can phase through me, isn’t it?” He asked. “That’s when it started, right? It was blurred because we’ve always been able to read each other really well, but… I remember when I thought I could hear your voice in my head.” His eyes were wandering around as if trying to recall the exact moment. They fell on the empty pool area, then it hit him, and he looked up at her, wondering if she had put it together as well. “Love me anyways,” he breathed, recalling the moment by the pool when Han had first come back.
She turned, trembling, afraid, and shaking her head. “No, no…” He dared a quivering hand through her soft, black hair, combing downward. “This doesn’t change anything,” she said, horror etching her face.
He scoffed, incredulous. “This changes everything,” he returned wide eyed and daring her to look at him.
“My answer is still no,” she growled, peeking at him over her shoulder. “I know what you’re thinking now, and some of that makes it worse,” she insisted.
He grabbed both of her shoulders and turned her toward him. “And the most intimate people in the entire world,” he breathed. “You do understand that, right?”
She pushed him away, “No… this is all a dream.” She retook a stance and laid into him. “You’re still a pervert, Austin Rancor.” He crossed his arms, and she could see him shaking. “You do all of these things and use others to gratify yourself over and over again so you can ignore your worst fear.”
He rolled back on his heels for a second, then came back, “Okay, what’s my worst fear?”
“That you’re going to die alone,” she said, quickly. Something looked like it hit him in the side of the head, a strange realization coming over his face, like he’d never thought of this before. “You’re going to die alone, Austin,” she whispered. He shifted uncomfortably, and looked off, trying to ignore her stare. She got closer to him, “You’re going to be eighty, ninety… hooked up to a ventilator, and choking down air… and no one will be there with you… No one! You’ll have no children talking about your accolades, and saying what a good man you were. You’ll have no wife; Erin won’t be there! There won’t be any pretty young hooker that you paid to stand at your bedside!” She barked. His eyes were starting to well and he was refusing to look at her, as he imagined this scenario. “You’re going to be pissing yourself and the pretty, young nurses that-that have to clean up your vomit, and piss, and shit, they’re going to give you a kind word or two and secretly hate you behind your back because all you can do is try and get them to take their clothes off, or flash you, or whatever other sick twisted ideas you come up with in your decrepit boredom!” She yelled. He blinked and tears fell, but he said nothing, nor did he show her any other signs of crying. “That gorgeous face won’t save you. It won’t matter, Austin! It won’t even exist anymore,” she hissed. He crossed his arms and looked down. “You will have nothing but time to wait and die and consider what a complete and utter failure you are while you beg the nurses to give you Viagra. Then one day you’re going to realize that this is it… your final breaths… and no one will be with you who truly loved you, and truly accepted you for who and what you really are.” She sniffled and wiped away a tear. “There will be no one who remembers you, Austin. You’ll be a name on a register, and a number. No one will mourn at your grave, and cry real tears for you.” She wiped away another, turning from him to avoid his gaze should it happen to meet hers. “And if anyone recalls you at all, it’ll be – that attractive guy that screwed me in an alley that one time. What was his name? What color were his eyes?”
“What color are my eyes, Marielle?” He whispered, as if trying to prove a point.
“Blue!” She barked. Then she met eyes with him again, but his jerked away. “You’re going to die alone,” she repeated in a whisper. “And you can’t stand that. It’s something that you’ve been avoiding for years; that knowledge… that fact. You don’t need Hazal for that one, it’s a reality.” He was staring at the ground. “You go home and you look at yourself in the mirror and you see a god or whatever you think you are… and that beautiful face, Austin, it’s not going to mean shit.” She tensed up. “You’ll be forgotten. You’ll be a ghost. No one will love you; no one will remember you.”
This had been the fourth and final slap, except that it wasn’t a slap… it was a punch; a punch to his gut, his face, his genitals, his future, and his very existence. “Okay, I get it,” he finally breathed shakily, and the look in his eyes was more lost than she’d ever seen him look. He was in some other world that held this not-too-distant reality for him. He was shaking and she could see. He dragged a trembling hand down the front of his face, then pulled it away and looked into his palm before dropping it. His throat felt like he was trying to swallow tar. She was right.
A thought occurred to her. “How long are you going on?”
He swallowed and looked at his watch, “About thirty hours,” he whispered, another tear falling off his chin.
She narrowed her eyes at him, angrily. –Now? You’re going to choose now to be a “good man?” She took in a ragged breath. “I fucking hate you,” she hissed through clenched teeth, and tears. Then she whirled, went to the door and walked back in, leaving him alone.
He broke down, going to his knees.