CONTAINS CONTENT:
Mild language, mild sensuality.
{{Unedited}}
Liam looked across the table at everyone and sighed. Not a single person looked as if they wanted to be there, and the sadness that came through the faces that were either meeting his, or purposefully looking away caused his diminutive smile to crack, and fade to nothing.
For this reason, he opened with, “I’m sorry.” It was quiet and succinct.
Sabine sighed heavily, and turned toward John on her left, giving him a brittle smile. Marielle thought that it was interesting that even though John had taken to wearing his mask, cape, and gloves nearly everywhere he went, somehow, she knew that he was smiling back at Sabine. Perhaps it was because he gently took her hand, lifted it, and put it to the bottom of his mask where his mouth would be, thus giving her a tender kiss.
Glancing around the room, Marielle took stock of the number of romantic couples that seemed to be emerging in their little group.
She noted that Mateo and Tala were leaning on the wall next to each other with their hands behind their backs. Both were nervously bouncing and throwing one another fleeting glances, and shy smiles. Wingman was pulling at Mateo’s leg like a toddler wanting to come up. So, Mateo bent and put Wingman on his left shoulder where he perched like a parrot.
Then Marielle spotted Han and Jamie. Jamie was also leaning on the wall near Mateo; Marielle watched as Jamie’s hand slipped across the wall and into Han’s. She could have seen this coming months ago based on how they’d been treating one another, but she wasn’t sure where it would go or how they’d keep it alive. Han was like Austin in her pursuits of romance; less actual romance, more bedroom time.
Then of course there was Tayane and Klara, who were distracting one another with an inside joke involving a little robot that Klara had pulled from her pocket. She put her head on Tayane’s shoulder after a moment.
No one else in the room really seemed to be matched up. Hazal was in a corner, that was until Marielle briefly met eyes with her, then she came off the wall, pulled her dark hood back, and sat next to Marielle. Vincent – who was cupping the bottom half of his face – smiled softly at this and glanced away.
Amir was stalking another corner, over Liam’s left shoulder and next to a window that he was keeping an eye on for some odd reason. Kirra was on the other side of that window and a few feet behind Austin, and she was staring at him on occasion as if willing him to look at her. He wouldn’t. Zayana was doing the same, going as far as to sit on the table itself near him. He was pretending that she didn’t even exist. Chamber was there, but he was sitting on the coffee table, remaining silent as he observed the room.
Then there was Austin, his eyes were not on Marielle as he sat at the table across from her. His gaze was down. But he was thinking about her, she could hear his thoughts breaking into her mind.
-She’s so beautiful today. I know that if I was with her and sitting next to her, I wouldn’t be able to keep my hand off of her knee, I’d be moving up her thigh right no-. His gaze flicked up to hers as if he realized that he was projecting. -Sorry.
She stretched her mouth across her face and crossed her eyes at him. Then she turned her face to Vincent, who took her hand outside of everyone’s line of sight.
Liam cleared his throat and started again. “I think we’ve all come to the conclusion that we have to go to Vincent’s dimension and destroy Valorant.”
“So, we definitely need to clean up his mess, is that what we’re saying?” Sabine growled, glaring at Vincent.
“I think that’s the best way to finish this,” Liam sighed.
“Didn’t we establish the fact that it won’t stop people coming in at this point?” Jamie narrowed his eyes at Vincent, then flicked his gaze back to Liam. “That Kingdom is working to bring others in from all sides of the universe to steal radianite, resources and information from us and that we are basically going to be doing this until the end of time?”
“Yeah, thanks, Vincent,” Kiritani hissed under his breath, crossing his arms over his chest tightly.
“I think that it’s probably best that we do not assign blame to one another,” Hazal spoke up. Everyone fell silent, not wanting to debate the witch. She glared around the room. “I believe that these things would have eventually occurred regardless of whether Vincent started them or not.” She glanced at Vincent, who gave her a look that said that he was thankful that she was standing up for him. She nodded at him once.
Liam leaned over with both sets of knuckles on the table. “Yes, that’s what we found out. Sooner or later, this would have started to happen. I saw something that Chamber-,” he gestured to Chamber, who lifted a hand and waved pleasantly, “-pulled out of Kingdom that suggested that it’s already happening to other worlds.” Liam had a rolled-up paper in his hand and he threw it across the table, letting it roll out. It had plans, notes written everywhere, many of them suggesting the existence of endless dimensions and doppelgangers coming from all corners to wipe them off the map. There were even names of agents that didn’t appear to exist in this world, and something about an underground city, an ancient language and an…hourglass? Marielle stroked her chin for a moment. The Scions of Hourglass? She flicked her gaze to Sabine, who looked away. Both were thinking the same thing… Jeanine. But neither met eyes again and neither wanted to speak on such a touchy subject.
“So, are we saying that no matter what we do at this point sooner or later our world will be lost?” Zayana asked as she leaned over the paper, eyeing different parts. Marielle noted that her positioning was also purposefully placed so that Austin could now see down her shirt if he wanted. He didn’t. He was still ignoring her entirely.
“We’re saying that sooner or later someone will win and at least get resources and information from us, or other worlds out there,” Efia said with a heavy sigh. She shrugged after a moment of intense thought as her eyes scanned the paper as well. “Which, isn’t a total loss if we fail, but it could mean casualties.”
“That’s right,” Han piped in, “remember, only Cory’s world wants us obliterated because they- well,” she looked around the room, “whoever is left of that group anyways want to take this world over.”
“Which is why it’s imperative for us to stop them and them specifically. After that? I guess we pick and choose our battles?” A masked Amir said from the back of the table.
“He’s already got doubles from other worlds on his side. We don’t even know who anymore. I don’t know who is left, but we all saw what happened with-” the words died on Vincent’s mouth, he cleared his throat, pushed his glasses back up and muttered something in French that sounded like, “forgive me…” before he finished, “with Sasha,” he sighed. Marielle noted the downcast look that Wei Ling gave the room. She was hiding away in a corner, obviously still deeply shaken over losing him. Marielle’s heart ached for her.
Tala raised her hand, and everyone’s attention went to her. She cleared her throat and took a small step forward as she tried to find her voice. Wingman jumped down from Mateo’s shoulder and wiggled to her, taking her hand in his little fingers, and squeezed. “So, as you all know, I started out on that side…” she began shakily. Then she breathed out through rounded lips. Wei Ling went and stood by her, as did Han who put her hands on Tala’s shoulders. “Unlike some of the others that you’ll be dealing with – I’m sure – Cory actually is a psychopath,” she explained; her gaze distant, drifting into memories and she twisted her fingers together. “Once he had power… Cory did things to us. He killed Liam right in front of us, I had only just joined. He- he killed my father so he could have complete control over me,” she whispered.
The room fell silent. This wasn’t something that she had stated yet, and now her reasoning for wanting to get away made even more sense to all listening.
Marielle backed away from the table and rushed to her, holding her along with Wei Ling and Han. Several of the others did as well, creating a circle around the little blue haired girl.
“I didn’t know that, Tala,” Marielle whispered. “I’m so, so sorry.”
“I didn’t want to say immediately,” Tala explained. “I wasn’t sure what to share and what not to share.” Mateo had her in his arms from behind as everyone else continued to comfort her. “I’m still not sure,” she admitted.
“You can share anything that you want to with us,” Han whispered, looking deeply into her eyes. “We do not reject you. You’re one of us, now.”
Chamber glanced down, hiding a smirk of approval.
“I can tell you who’s left and who’s loyal and who’s not,” Tala whispered back.
“That would be really helpful, actually,” Han said giving her cheek a caress and smiling at her warmly.
Tala looked to Mateo who gave her an encouraging smile and a nod. She turned back to the others. “Obviously Amir, Klara, Tayane, Varun, Sasha, Austin, Iselin, and Jamie from our – that is, Vincent and I’s world are dead,” she said squinting her eyes up as if trying to remember if there was anyone else. She shook her head as if there were too many rocks in her brain to think clearly. “Sabine and John were on the fence, but were following the others because they didn’t want to cause problems.”
Vincent lifted a hand, “I took care of that.”
Everyone turned to him with wide eyes. “You did what, now?” Sabine demanded, raising a brow at him.
Marielle peered from behind the others, “Tell them what did you did, love?”
Austin cringed. Marielle couldn’t exactly see it, but she felt it. That twinge when she called Vincent “love,” it stuck in his gut like something that his body was having a difficult time digesting and ultimately wanted to reject. Marielle rubbed her side in response to those feelings.
“Sabine was the spike carrier; I got to her first and gave her my blood.”
“And why would you do that?” Sabine asked leaning over the table in interest.
“Because I have their cure… in my blood,” Vincent replied flatly.
Han was shaking her head, “You get more and more fun,” she said sarcastically.
“A genuine, bonafide hoot,” Austin sighed under his breath.
-Please don’t start.
-Everyone else is… starting. Marielle could imagine the finger quotes around “starting.”
-Be the bigger person.
-I love you, Marielle. That’s what keeps me straight right now.
-I… Figure out a different tactic.
Austin looked off.
“Wait, wait, I’m sorry, whoa and hol- I think I fell asleep like three months ago, man… You’ve had their cure in your blood this whole time?” Mateo barked. Wingman made a little gesture with his fists.
Erik rolled his eyes. “Sasha and Tala for this guy,” he raised his mechanical arm, gesturing at Vincent.
“I agree… I’m about out,” Kiritani growled in response as he gave the room a darkening glare and crossed his arms tightly over his chest.
“Oh!” Tala said. “Kiritani’s dead.” Then she looked down as if she realized the inappropriate timing of her statement.
“Yeah, we killed him,” Jamie replied looking to Han. She bobbed her head in response.
Wei Ling stepped forward a little, her eyes guarded and insecure. “Where do I stand?” she asked. “I mean other me.”
Tala flicked her gaze to her, “You are having a difficult time.”
Wei Ling was silent for many long moments before she met eyes with Tala, they both understood what was being asked. “I loved him there, too?” Wei Ling barely got out.
Tala nodded, sadly.
Wei Ling looked down and backed herself slowly into the corner, folding her hands and disappearing into her own mind. Marielle sighed and went to her as well, taking her hands in hers and whispering to her.
Austin swallowed, stood, and went to Tala gently taking her to his chair where he sat her, again ignoring Zayana and her leering, and began to speak to her in hushed tones. Amir joined him, but only by standing at his side and observing, maybe to be sure that Austin was safe and wouldn’t try anything.
For a moment, Austin glanced up at Amir, narrowing his eyes just a bit. The man was masked, and Austin’s reaction to him suggested that he was interpreting this action as vaguely threatening. But he remembered some of the things that Marielle had said about Amir and simply dismissed it as Amir collecting information. Austin wasn’t sure what he thought about that, either, but for the moment he was willing to let it go.
Kirra joined from behind and threw in an encouraging word here and there. Efia stood behind all of them, silent as she eyed Zayana with a look that said ‘stop trying to get his attention you know nothing about him.’ Kirra wasn’t quite so overt or obvious in her flirting or need to be near Austin.
Marielle was taking a moment with Wei Ling, Han, Klara and Tayane, and Hazal who had joined them. “Do you need to come back with me to my office?” Marielle asked.
Wei Ling took a moment to think, then nodded, “I think that would be helpful.”
Liam lifted a hand, “before we start splitting up, or to forfeit our time and efforts altogether, let’s talk about going to Valorant in Vincent’s home dimension. Are we for or against this idea?”
Erik shook his head, “I’m out. I’m tired of this bull. I’m tired of Vincent, and frankly I’m tired of this goon,” he growled at Austin, making a wild gesture with his mechanical arm.
If Austin was offended by anything that Erik had barked, he didn’t show it.
“There’s really no reason for name calling,” Efia stated flatly.
“That’s true… and let’s not fight each other,” Amir said stroking his hidden chin, “let’s fight the real enemy.”
“Who is the real enemy?” Zayana asked, tossing her hair over her left shoulder, and giving Liam a pointed look. She glanced at Austin, who was still pretending that she didn’t exist. “They are…” He said as if it were obvious. “The doubles. The ones who wish to destroy us so they can be the only.”
“At this point, no one knows that better than me,” Austin sighed under his breath. His eyes found Marielle’s. –I’m so tired of all of this rhetoric.
-Same. She said with a sigh. –We all know who the bad guy is. She added sarcastically.
-Do we? She swallowed and looked down, no longer truly taking in what Han was saying, even though it wasn’t much. -So, answer me a question, if you know that you’re in love with a villain, why do you choose to stay by his side?
-Enough, Austin. Not here, not now. We’ve already done this for the day.
-It’s me. I know that your choice is me.
She scoffed. -Focus now, eyes off me. She used her focus to push him out of her head, and did her best to “hang up” on him. She really couldn’t think of any other way to put that in her mind. She couldn’t always do it, and neither could he, but she assumed that it was how Tundra had kept her from hearing his thoughts on the way to Kingdom. He’d said that he “wasn’t thinking anything…” but she could tell that that had been at least partly false. He was definitely enjoying the ideas of whatever he’d thought that he was going to get to do to her later.
She shuddered.
Austin’s voice broke through once more. -Why are you thinking about him again?
Marielle took hold of Wei Ling’s arm and started her back to her office. -It’s not always easy to just forget.
Liam lifted a hand, causing their stay. “Enough, enough,” he was saying to the room. Marielle had hardly noticed that everyone had basically been fighting with Amir, Kirra, Efia, and Hazal trying to stop the uproar. “Sit… down…” Liam said sternly as he stiffened his back and glared at the room like a father who’d just come home to children who’d caused nothing but trouble all day long. “I’m done trying to lay blame, I’m done trying to decide who’s trustworthy and who’s not. Everyone in this room has done things that we are not proud of or would be considered untrustworthy if the shoe was on the other foot and we were the ones in a different dimension.” He glared at each of them and Marielle had to give him credit, it was like he was reminding each of them of their short comings with each fatherly look. “I try and live in a state where I judge less, ask questions later, and make decisions quickly… the current problem is Cory and his desire to not only hurt some of our own,” he gestured at Marielle, Austin, and Vincent, “but to take over this dimension and live here, outside of the radianite that’s killing him.”
“Yeah, but he has the cure,” Mateo growled from the back.
“The one that Vincent took and told them all nothing about until last week when he casually slipped it to Viper… which he could have done at any point before all of this,” Kiritani scoffed with a raise of his hand as he dramatically gestured at Vincent.
“Kiritani, I do things sometimes that no one can understand except me,” Vincent whispered.
“Here, here,” Chamber echoed from the back of the room.
“Nothing like an echo Chamber,” Kiritani hissed.
Austin snorted at how the joke fell.
“Sometimes I have extra cards to play,” Vincent plowed on. “And sometimes I keep them up my sleeves so that I can use them at the appropriate moments. I used that card then to stop Viper and Omen from planting that spike, and it worked,” he leaned over the table, meeting unblinking eyes with Kiritani’s. “Now, are you going to ask to go outside?” he growled.
Kiritani narrowed his eyes at Vincent and they stared at one another for a moment. “You’re making a stupid argument,” Kiritani said, puffing his chest out.
“Stupid or not, you’re not backing down, so unless you think that we’re going to kiss or something, maybe take your opinions and roll them outside?” Vincent made a gesture with his hand that started like him rolling a bowling ball toward the door and ended with him winding the inside of his elbow up under the other arm, fist clenched.
The room grew uncomfortably silent and all eyes flicked to Kiritani. An ironic smile broke out over Kiritani’s face and he shook his head from side to side, backing off the brewing storm. The space seemed to exhale.
“In my opinion,” Efia began, “the bad guy here is really this Cory. He knows that he possesses the ability to heal everyone and yet he does not…why?”
Vincent gestured to her as if she was making the real and true point, “Because it keeps him in control,” he explained. “He could hint that he’s close, or that he knows things, and then direct all of them to different places and send them on wild goose chases.”
“Basically, they’ll do whatever he says to do if it means that eventually they’ll find a way to survive. He probably even thinks that they’ll forgive him for it all if he gives them the cure,” Austin added, his gaze flicking to Vincent’s.
Vincent nodded. “Yes, my interactions with Sabine confirmed that this is exactly what he’s doing. He’s keeping information from them so that they’ll do basically whatever he says.” Vincent gestured to the room, then to Chamber as if asking him to confirm this. “I gave her the cure from my vein, told her and John to go home, to work it out, and to run so Cory wouldn’t come and find them.”
Everyone fell silent, perhaps not expecting Vincent to have done such a thing for someone on the opposing side.
“I’ll reiterate, you really get more and more fun,” Han said with a growl, as she crossed her arms tightly over her chest.
“Okay, moving right along,” Amir gestured to the plans across the table. “What are we looking at, here?” And he lifted a hand, where a small camera came from the sleeve of his coat, which he used to take a photo of the plans before being told that he could. No one stopped him, they all knew that he probably had other cameras already taking video in the room and he certainly had them throughout the building.
“It’s plans for a teleporter,” Chamber explained. He’d poured himself another cup of coffee and was presently dumping sugar into it. “A real one,” he added.
“You mean one that’ll take us to the other side?” Jamie asked, stepping forward to look at it as well. Marielle shrugged and looked away; it was beyond her.
“Oui,” Chamber said from the back. “Vincent’s dimension used to only be able to pull me in and send me back through my own dimensional scar, but eventually we figured out the rest. Kingdom helped with that… of course, now we know why,” he scoffed, finally setting the sugar aside.
“Is your plan to help us, or get diabetes?” Sabine hissed under her breath.
Austin tried to stifle a laugh. No one else seemed to catch her comment, and Chamber was already sucking down whatever sludge he’d made in his coffee cup. “It stands to reason that they wanted to try and use Marielle’s ability to create-,” he stopped himself and looked around at everyone looking at him, his eyes landed on Zayana last, “-well, to create bonds, and telepathic abilities which would be useful in trying to steal plans, research and radianite.”
“That’s exactly what they wanted,” Efia agreed.
“Okay, it might be random or whatever but, like, I have a question, yo,” Mateo said smacking his knuckles into the palm of the opposing hand. “If Barbara was like… from Vincent’s world the whole time, then how come she wasn’t like doing something to help Cory out or whatever?”
“Barbara was working for herself, the government in her double from this world’s life, and Kingdom,” Marielle jumped in. “She had little affiliation with Cory, except Tundra. They all knew each other, but she wasn’t taking marching orders from him. She just wanted to get paid, I think.”
Austin nodded, shifting uncomfortably. “Yeah, they weren’t affiliated. She was using her own powers to control Tundra and…” he looked down, shamefully, “and she was sleeping with him.”
“Gross, dude!” Jamie barked.
Wingman made a disgusted squelch.
“Woof,” Mateo agreed.
“Did y’all ever-” Tayane had her hands in the air and gesticulated for a moment as if trying to smash them together, but failing as she spoke. Klara’s eyes widened and she grabbed her girlfriend’s hands, pulling them down as if Tayane had just made a series of vulgar gestures. The intent was there, but the action said very little ultimately.
“Hell no… Do you really-” Austin looked around the room at all the disgusted faces eyeing him, “-that’s what you all think of me, isn’t it?”
“I don’t,” Kirra murmured.
Zayana was leering at him with her violet eyes and full, voluptuous lips. Austin mouthed, “no” at her, his head gently shaking back and forth as he turned away. She shrugged a shoulder and tossed her hair as she drummed her long black fingernails on the table near his hand. He removed it.
Marielle was watching these actions and a soft smile spread across her face. He was changing. For better or worse, he was changing. He would have hopped right into bed with Zayana a few months ago, and neither of them would have thought anything of it.
“Going back to the Irish terror twins…” Liam said after clearing his throat loudly. “I say we call a vote. Who’s willing to help us end all this?”
Everyone in the room raised their hands except for Kiritani and Erik. They both gave one another a pointed look and marched out of the room together.
“I’m not bothered by that,” Vincent sighed.
“No one asked,” Sabine hissed. John put his hand on her shoulder as if to coax her to calmness, and leaned in to whisper something in her ear. She turned, giving him a soft smile, which read as, don’t worry, I’ll behave.
“I will also have to back out of this one,” Efia said, raising a hand. Everyone turned, eyes blazing at her. “I don’t dislike anyone in this room. But in truth, I feel that this is not my fight. It’s no longer defensive; I’ll fight the future battles,” she said with a nod. “May I still be in the room?”
Vincent shrugged a shoulder, flicking a brow, “I don’t mind,” he said dismissively.
“I feel similarly,” Hazal said, “however, I’m going to go with you guys this time,” she added, looking around at everyone’s faces. Then her eyes fell on Marielle’s face and she smiled, adoringly. “Fear won’t hold me back… only I do that,” she said to each of them.
“You thought something similar in my world,” Vincent said with a soft smile.
Hazal acknowledged him.
“Back to Valorant in Vincent’s dimension,” Liam turned to Tala, “What else can you tell us about there?”
“It’s the same as here,” she explained gesturing around. “But there’s a teleporter room.”
“I remember that they were building it when I left,” Vincent interjected.
“You mean when you were banished?” Sabine hissed.
“Sabine, let’s not cause more friction,” John said gently taking hold of her forearm. Vincent smiled.
“What are you grinning at?” Sabine growled.
Vincent shrugged a shoulder at her. “Not much. Just, when I stopped Sabine and John, he called her wife. I was glad to see the two of you happy.”
Sabine snarled and turned away, but meeting what she figured were John’s eyes. He took in a deep breath of air, and let it out slowly before removing his mask. The entire room stilled, unsure whether to look away or keep eyes locked with him. He glanced around the room at all their faces, then turned back to Sabine. There was a pregnant pause. “What do you say?”
Sabine looked about guardedly, “What do I say about what?”
“Becoming my wife…”
Gasps rang out.
“Well, this devolved into a reality show,” Liam growled.
“You’re telling me…” Austin said under his breath. –I wish this was you and me… Marielle’s eyes met his. -Sorry. He looked away. -I want to ask you to marry me, Marielle. I want to do it in front of everyone with a ring and on my knees. He raked his hair, -I can’t control my thoughts. I’ll just take Tala back to my office. He felt the minor reaction that this statement gave her. She was briefly jealous. Tala was nineteen, but that wouldn’t stop Austin from trying to sleep with her if he thought she was interested and he wanted to. -You- you’re jealous.
-I’m not, will you please leave me alone, here?
-No, you are.
-Okay, I am, will you please let me be? I need my mental space. Please? She met eyes with him, he was pleading. -Please? His eyebrows were knit together in concern, desperation, and a touch of curiosity. “Austin,” she mouthed. “Please.”
He licked his lips and looked back to Sabine and John; they were staring at one another. “Will you marry me, Sabine?” John asked and he squeezed her hand. “I have no past, or future without you. At least none that I care about.”
She smiled softly. Marielle could see the pain flash across her fair face, which she tried so desperately to hide. She was afraid, and she had every right to be. What if she said yes and she lost John? She’d never recover. She put a gloved hand over her face before she exhaled, heavily. “Yes,” she whispered.
The entire room was in an uproar, bouncing, jumping, cheering.
Marielle couldn’t stop herself; she flung herself into Sabine’s arms as she cried for a moment. The much taller woman looked down at her in shock, then gave her a soft smile and a small squeeze before disregarding her.
That was more than Sabine had given Marielle in almost five years; she’d take it, and keep it locked up in her heart.
Marielle looked around the room.
John was holding Sabine now, Chamber was giving Kirra a small kiss on the cheek, Vincent was offering to take people out for drinks, and he gave Marielle a soft smile amidst the chaos, Wei Ling looked like she was forcing her smile through invisible tears, Han and Tala were jumping arm in arm. Mateo and Jamie were basically doing the same.
Where had Austin gone? He wasn’t in the room anymore. He’d vanished.
She opened her mind to him again. -Did you leave?
-Too hard right now. He was silent for a moment. She could tell that he was walking further and further away. -Going to get some coffee. Want something?
-Hmmm.
-I’ll bring you back a cinnamon latte.
-That’d be wonderful, darl… Austin.
-We’ll never be okay, will we?
Then his voice fizzled out because he’d crossed over into the parking garage and Marielle felt the empty space in her chest expand.
The room continued to celebrate. Mateo even ran in with a bottle of champagne from the kitchen and cracked it open, pouring drinks. Someone handed one to Tala, and Marielle gave her a soft, knowing smile, and gently took it away. “You’re not old enough to drink,” she whispered tearfully, memories from a few months ago engulfing her mind.
“I’ll-I’ll take a coke?”
Marielle smiled sadly and led her to the kitchen.
The room had decided that they were going to make a spike, a large teleporter, that Vincent was going to continue to train the others, and teach everyone how to use it, and that they were going to go to Valorant on his dimension before the end of the year, and blow it up. There was an agreement that if they could, they would warn everyone that might be defecting first. Cory and Finola were to be killed. Some of them didn’t like this, but knew it had to be done.
Marielle snuck off with Wei Ling not long after returning Tala to the room that was still teeming with celebration.
She led Wei Ling to her office and sat her on the couch.
“I’m sorry,” Wei Ling began. “It’s not like me to lose myself.”
“You don’t have to apologize to me. Despite culture, or self, or any of those things, I’m not judging you.” Marielle handed her a tissue from a box, and she took it, gently patted under her nose, and stood, going to the window, and looking out. She was silent for a long while before she took in a ragged breath, signaling that she was still crying. Marielle imagined that she was picturing Sasha out in the courtyard where he used to stand guard. She wondered how often she might have stolen glances at him from the library windows.
“I- I have to be honest. I don’t really know why to keep living,” she explained. She turned back to Marielle, leaning on the wall under the window. “I’m not exactly suicidal, I just wish that I could float away and be forgotten…” She looked down at the tissue in her hands. “Perhaps in the hopes of forgetting myself.”
“No one would forget you.”
“I have a curse,” she suggested, and the suggestion was purely in tone. “Those I want to save, I cannot… and those who I can mean less to me. I often feel that my lack of love for those that I can save is why I constantly get punished,” she wiped away a tear, “that if I could only love all of humanity that I could save them all.” She paused, her eyes drifting to the courtyard again and the fountain, “that I am both shield and sword… and neither help me when I desperately need it,” she explained bitterly. She met eyes with Marielle. “My life is nothing without him.”
“Your life means so much to so many. So did his, and it still does.”
“But what then? In forty years, no one will speak his name… In sixty I will be a memory, too.” She wrung her hands together fretfully, “I was told – taught – to search for the beauty in all things, and if none was found, to act decisively… violently.” She squeezed her hands together, then let them part and slap against her side. “I have never felt the need, so much in all my life to die. I want to do violence to myself, because there is no beauty left, Marielle… He took it with him.” She sobbed for a moment in her hands. “And I didn’t tell him! I never told him how I loved him, Marielle. Oh, how I love him still,” she cried and Marielle could hear the aching in her voice and how she longed to be Sabine and John, Klara and Tayane, Jamie and Han… her and Austin.
There was silence for a few moments. Marielle could tell by her body language, that Wei Ling didn’t want to be held, or offered comfort. Wei Ling wanted to be left alone. “Were you planning on telling him?”
“I was,” she whispered, quietly. “Halloween. He always came to the party.” Marielle nodded; this was true. “You understand all of this, don’t you?” Marielle nodded again. Wei Ling went to her side and sat with her, “then I hope that you know what you’re doing with Austin,” she said with tear rimmed eyes. “Everyone knows that you love him, Marielle… does he?”
“He knows.”
Wei Ling withdrew her hands suddenly. “I will not say any more about it,” she whispered as if remembering that she was strong, and respectful and not prying and that she needed to present that way.
“Do you want to meet again, later? I have some time tomorrow.”
“I think I may have more to say, then,” Wei Ling got up and left, leaving Marielle to think.
Austin did as he promised, and knocked on her door about an hour later. She told him to come in, knowing that it was him.
He entered quietly, and handed the latte to her. It was still hot and from the pier, which told her that he’d done something else for a while. She imagined him standing under the pier, alone, locked in memory. “You were gone a long time,” she said quietly as she took a sip. It was hot, flavorful, and warmed her insides.
He looked down at her and nodded, “I was spending some time sitting in the sand.” He stretched his lips across his face, “thinking about us. Thinking about what we could have been.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry this is so hard for me. I’m the kind of person that needs to know, Marielle. I have to know why. I have to find the answers and list them all in my head until something makes sense and they soothe me somehow,” he said gently. “I want to give you your space, and leave you alone when you want it. But I also don’t because I just want to be with you.” He explained sitting in one of the two chairs, and pulling a deck of cards from his jacket. “Play with me?” he asked.
She looked at the time. She had nothing going on for a few minutes. So, she turned back to him and nodded with a delighted smile. He couldn’t help but smile back at her, but it died quickly.
He cracked the box open; they were brand new. He must have bought them at one of the gift shops at the pier. That made sense, there were dolphins on the backs of them.
He sat in silence, shuffling the cards over and over for a few minutes, then dealing them to her. “What are we playing?”
“Poker.” She smirked and nodded. He glanced up at Chocolate, but only for a moment. “So, my parents called,” he explained. She cocked her head at him, confused for a moment. Parents? Dad was dead, mother was dead. Oh, right… Rick and Tiffany. “They want to know if I have the ability to fly home for Thanksgiving… You up for a trip to New York?” he asked casually as he moved a card in his hand from one side to the other.
“Will you take us to see a show on Broadway?” she asked, showing him the side of her face and lifting her shoulder.
-You’re so damn cute, Marielle. “Yeah, if you want,” he replied. He glanced down at his iced coffee where his gaze lingered for a half a second before he looked back to his cards. Right. The last time they were in a theater together she uh…
“For how long?” she asked.
“Hmmm?” he glanced at her over his fan of cards.
“How long would we be in New York?”
He turned his mouth downward for a second as he shook his head, “three, maybe four days?” he stroked his chin, and raked his hair. “Maybe five if the plane tickets are not open the way I want.”
Her eyes fell on his earring. She had the urge to gently kiss his earlobe, and gently tug at it with her teeth. He closed his eyes. Dammit, he’d felt that. “Yeah, I’ll go,” she whispered, shakily.
“You’ll get to see where I grew up. Well, I mean, after I was eleven.”
She didn’t have anything in her hand, and she folded. “What are we playing for?” she asked.
He smirked and flicked his gaze to hers, then back down. -You lost… take your shirt off.
Her cheeks twinged a shade redder as she briefly looked away to try and hide her smile.
-Hey, don’t go there.
He gave her a boyish smile. -Sorry. I’m always to be me, you know? That’s why this is going to be so hard.
She sighed, frustratedly…guided conversation was one of Austin Rancor’s favorite games. He loved to joke sexually, and then follow the joke up with words like hard, and hot, and… she looked out the window, thinking.
He dealt the cards again. “Maybe we just play board games and cards til’ the end of time?” he chuckled.
“Yeah, we’ll be two crochety old losers sharing the same space at the old people’s home. You’ll be deaf, and I’ll be blind, and we’ll be trying to beat one another at chess,” she said distantly.
“And I’ll still be in love with you,” he whispered. She closed her eyes, unwilling to tell him to leave. “And you’ll speak inside my head so I can still hear your voice, and I’ll describe the colors of the grass and trees, and how they look in the wind and how I know that these are my last days, but they seem hopeful, and bright with you,” he sighed, and took a large swallow of his coffee. -Maybe ask yourself why we’re together in this scenario, Marielle. Where’s Vincent?
She ignored his internal question. “Are you coming to the Halloween party?” She asked.
“Not feeling it.”
“Why?” she asked sadly as she looked over her hand again.
He shrugged a shoulder and flicked a brow at her, “I donno… I had an idea for a costume and now it doesn’t exactly work anymore.”
“What was it?” she pressed.
“Phantom?”
She thought for a second, “of the opera?” He nodded, and moved another card in his hand. “Why doesn’t it work?”
“Because I was going to ask you to be Christine,” he stated plainly. She looked down, understanding his meaning. Then he chuckled ironically, “Actually, in this regard it really still does work… you’ve chosen Raoul.” He stuck his nose in the air, “perhaps I’ll still wear it,” he sighed.
“I don’t care what you wear, just come.”
He smirked, and she knew why. The entire sentence sounded like guided conversation back at him. She hadn’t meant it, though.
“I don’t know what I’m doing here anymore. I mean I get it, my days are paperwork, interviewing them, more paper work.” He paused a moment. “I don’t belong with these people.”
She waited a beat. “What happened with your new handler?”
“It’s a man named Falk. He’ll be here sometime next week.”
“Do you know him?”
He pursed his lips and lifted a brow, “vaguely.” She turned and dashed some late coming tears from her eyes, hoping that he hadn’t seen them before she picked up her new hand. “What are we playing for?” he repeated her.
She swallowed and looked down at her hand. Her heart melted. A three of clubs, an ace of spades, a seven of spades, a Jack of spades, and… the queen of hearts. -You didn’t plan that, did you?
He narrowed his eyes at her. -What? They exchanged glances. No… he hadn’t. She took the queen of hearts out of the hand and held it for a moment, staring down at it. “Oh,” he said softly, looking down. -Are you gonna slip that to me and tell me that you are not going to give up on this?
Her breath caught in her chest. -No, Austin.
She discarded it. -We really are over, aren’t we?
-Yes.
He sighed, and folded, then he put his hair behind his ears with both hands. -I’ll keep trying to give you your space. Mentally and physically. That’s what you want, right?
She nodded. -Yes.
He collected the cards, and left.
She drank her coffee with silent tears streaming down her face. And I’ll still be in love with you…his voice echoed in her mind.
She went to the bear, took it down, and squeezed it against her chest, feeling its thick fur as she put it to her face and buried her nose into it. She breathed deeply. Somehow, Chocolate smelled a little like her favorite smell in the world; Austin Rancor.
“So will I…” she breathed, sadly.