CONTAINS CONTENT:
Mild language, sensual talk.
{{Unedtied}}
He was coughing again, a lot… and the more that Vincent looked at him, the more it hurt his heart and his mind. Vincent lifted a hand and put it to Hazal’s back. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, and he meant it. But all that Vincent wanted to do was escape. He wanted to escape this place, these people, and the fact that everyone was dying. Hazal looked more gaunt than about three weeks prior, and his pale skin had a faint gray hue.
Cory came and stood beside him. “How’s he doing?” Cory asked as he took his hair down for the day and removed his white coat.
“Not well,” Vincent whispered, eyes heavy as he tried not to allow tears to come.
“I’ll be fine,” Hazal said, dismissively. “We’ll figure it out.”
“Because of what happened with my blood, uh…” Cory flashed his eyes to Vincent, “we’re looking into a possible cure, now. It’s weird, but we both think the answer might be in Finola and I,” he whispered. “But we don’t have any answers or formulas, yet.”
“Like I said, I’ll be fine,” Hazal replied, distantly. “Whatever happens, I either go to sleep tonight, or I go to Allah.” He patted his chest, “it’s probably punishment for what I did to Austin,” he chuckled ironically, and he was referring to what happened at the funeral.
Vincent narrowed his eyes at Hazal. “What did you do to him?”
Hazal’s eyes briefly darkened and he smirked, “I gave him a friend…” he taunted, glancing at Cory, and Vincent could see the influence already blooming between the two of them, with Cory in control, and Hazal submitting as he lost his will to fight.
Cory’s lips turned up on one side in a dark, proud sneer. “You’re very brave for someone so afraid,” Cory said. Vincent’s skin pricked. He recognized Cory’s manipulation; he knew it well.
“The only thing that I’ve ever truly feared? Is myself and what I can do,” he whispered back, shifting his eyes to Vincent, then Cory, then back to Vincent.
Vincent took in a deep breath as he looked down between them. If he was honest, Vincent felt the same way.
Cory patted Hazal’s arm, and walked away after his cell phone rang. He spoke Gaelic into it.
Vincent narrowed his eyes at Hazal, “What are you doing? What did you do to Austin?”
Hazal smirked. “I told you; I gave him a friend.”
Vincent let out a long, exasperated sigh. “What do you think you’re doing? Do you have any idea what that could do to him right now? And what he’s capable of?”
“What do you think I’m capable of, Vincent? What do you think Nightmare is?” Hazal asked narrowing his mismatched eyes at Vincent. It was a dare.
***
Vincent opened his eyes and looked across the mattress at Marielle. She was asleep, but her left hand was resting on the pillow, the diamond from the ring sparkling as she exhaled. “What are you dreaming, love?” he breathed as he dared to lift his pinky and use it to comb some of her hair back from her forehead. She stirred, made a slight face, and moved her hand as if she was swatting a fly away from that area. “I hope that it’s me.”
Insecurity continued to grip him, pulling, tugging at his insides. Was she dreaming of Austin? He’d toyed with fate, hadn’t he? What was going to happen now? He felt like the last time that he played with fate, Marielle died. Then he left, playing with fate again, and everyone died… now he was here playing with fate again, and… He looked down at her. Her pale, gorgeous face was so white in the morning light as it crept through the window and her mouth, which had been all over him not eight hours ago had a soft smile on the left side. He glanced right, down at the ropes on the floor in tangles and a sensual smile passed his lips. That had been fun. He wouldn’t mind doing it again, he loved her so much and the way that she’d teased, tortured, and seduced him was sticking so hard in his mind that he thought he’d come right out of his skin. It had been bliss. Then there was that ring… it was sitting there, staring at him. She’d chosen him, right? End story? No reason to feel guilt or… he’d tried to let Austin and Marielle fall in love, especially towards the beginning. He had wanted fate to have her chance; it did. Austin lost. Story over, right? Right?
Austin’s words were ringing in his head, you know, Chamber talks a lot about fate… do you ever think that maybe- just maybe… she’s meant to die…
He watched the cottage cheese ceiling for a moment as the words echoed again. Now, he was scared.
Vincent looked back to her as she stirred again. “I love you, Masin,” he purred. “You can’t die again,” he whispered, leaning into her face, and brushing his nose against hers.
She opened her eyes and jerked her face back a little before smiling at him, “Hey,” she whispered with a groggy grin.
“Stay here,” he breathed and he got up, giving her a good look at his long, muscular body in nothing but his sweatpants as he threw her a smirk and left the room.
He returned about twenty minutes later with their breakfast from the kitchen. Eggs, toast, some strawberries with a side of melted chocolate for dipping, and coffees. “You’re so good to me,” she purred as she dipped a strawberry and offered it to him. He leaned in a took a bite. “Why are you so good to me?”
“Because I love you more than anything?”
“I know.” she felt color in her cheeks as she dipped the corner of her toast into the chocolate and took a bite. “I love you, too.”
“But you’re upset at me for my decisions and my life choices. You don’t like them.” He shook his head. “No, you hate them.”
She nodded and looked down into her plate, avoiding his consuming gaze. “It’s something that we’ve never really talked about before. I’m not okay with some of who you are.”
“I know. You weren’t in the other dimension, either. You understand why I did those things, right?”
“Because you wanted you to find me again.”
He nodded with his eyebrows raised. “We both thought that you needed help. I’ve learned a lot since then.”
“You do understand that I’m not Marielle, right? I mean I’m not… her.”
He went quiet for a moment. “You are and you are not.” He pinched her chin and turned her face to his again. “You’re her. Your blood is hers; your mind is like hers.” He kissed her in a way that lingered and caused their lips to stick for a moment when he pulled away. “You taste like her.” He shook his head. “You are very much the same. There are differences, but you are similar.”
“I just want you to understand who you’re marrying.”
“Oui. And I want you to understand who you are marrying,” he replied.
She looked down at the tattoos on the back of her arms as a wave of silver rolled up both. That happened every hour or so when he was near. “The man who marked my body to be more like him.”
“You demanded it,” he reminded, leaning in closer. “I will also admit to a bit of something selfish… I allowed it then so that you’d be taken out of the fight in Italy toward the beginning. I wanted to keep you safe, but I also thought that I could fix all of this with Tala,” he barely got her name out. Then he sighed. She nodded, she thought that she understood that. “Not that I never wanted you to fight again-” he started to try to defend himself. She put a reassuring hand onto his chest. “But you demanded it,” he reiterated.
“I did. Would I have ever done something like that in the other world?”
“I don’t know. You never did, but that doesn’t mean that you never would have,” he said distantly. He brushed his lips across hers. “You’d hinted at it a few times. You’re more stubborn here, love,” he whispered.
“It was the abuse,” she reckoned. He pulled back and looked at her curiously. “She’d been abused by Tundra so much that she eventually became more docile. He took her spirit.”
Vincent let out a ragged breath and smoothed the palm of his hand over her cheek. “I love you so much, Masin.” He shook his head. “We will go to France for a while. Six months, maybe a year. If you want, we’ll come back here when things have died down. But we’ll go. I have land, I’ll make sure we have a home. There are yellow and red flowers everywhere, and a little creek. We’ll stay however long you want and rest. I’ll make you breakfast every morning and give you pleasure every night, my love.” He was crawling over her and she was slowly going back against the mattress. “You need to heal,” he whispered, gently burying his mouth against her neck.
She couldn’t deny that she needed to heal, tremendously. The pain and trauma that she’d been through in the last few months would be devastating to anyone. The attacks, the near-death experiences, the secrets being released, the lies that she’d been told, Tundra, and how he’d attacked her, and molested her… Austin… all of it.
She tilted her head back and groaned Vincent’s name, prompting him to make his kisses longer, deeper, causing a deeper, more satisfying sting with each. She sighed, dreamily, as he pulled back long enough to stare into her eyes with a soft, dreamy smile.
She worried her lip for a moment as she thought. “Vincent, where is the painting you’ve been working on?”
“You might not ever see that now,” he whispered.
“What’s it of?”
“Don’t worry about it.” He was slipping a hand over the side of the bed and finding one of the ropes. “And I’m going to help you heal,” he whispered, his mouth slowly tantalizing her neck. Then he brought the rope up, and for a moment she was a little afraid when she saw it. He smirked at her, and handed it to her. “I know this helped,” he whispered. He was right, it did. “So, tie me up, and take it out on me.” She looked down at the red rope in her hand a little sheepishly. Last night had been fun, but she’d never seen that side of herself quite so free before. “I know you want me, Masin,” he whispered. Her eyes flickered with a look that said, oh, really? “We have a little time. Do your worst.”
***
The discomfort between Austin and Vincent in the meeting room was palpable. Neither were looking at one another as everyone else at Valorant made their way into the space.
Marielle started to take stock. Amir had gone back home yesterday, and she didn’t expect to see him again until sometime next year. She briefly overheard him mentioning something about being in California before Easter, so her heart was soothed a little at the idea of seeing him again soon if they stayed, or also visited. She still had odd moments where she felt like she’d killed him and needed a reminder that he was alive and well in this dimension.
Zayana had gone back to Mexico around the same time to be with her family for the entire end of the year. She’d said her goodbyes and taken a few moments with Mateo off to the side.
Astra was also gone, and Marielle didn’t know when she’d left or where to, as was Varun.
Kiritani and Erik were purposefully absent, and Marielle had a feeling that both were going to get an earful from Liam later.
Her eyes wandered to where Kirra used to stand, and she felt her heart hurt, especially when she looked a few feet to the left. Sasha used to lean in the far-left corner. She missed them both tremendously, and she felt odd when Mateo and Tala entered holding hands. It was nice to have Tala with them, but the truth of her not actually being their Tala was always present in her mind. She was still wreathed in gold, reminding Marielle and everyone who’d been injected in Italy that she was someone else. They accepted her anyway, and so far, there had been no terrible hardship except the adjustments, time, and patience.
Klara and Tayane entered a moment later, also hand in hand. They went to the back, and they were followed by Jamie and Han. Something was obviously blooming between the two. Han had told Marielle this, of course, but Marielle could see more color in Han’s cheeks when she looked at Jamie, and his golden eyes seemed to sparkle when he looked to her, where they lingered for a moment each time.
Hazal entered on her own and drew no attention as she sat next to Marielle, who exchanged smiles with her. They squeezed one another’s hand under the table and quickly let go. Marielle was glad their friendship was blossoming.
Chamber came in shortly thereafter which was always odd to Marielle no matter how many times she saw him and Vincent in the same room.
John and Sabine filed in.
Then Wei Ling last, who, every time Marielle saw was looking more and more distant. Marielle’s heart ached for her.
Once they were all scattered about the room and at the table, Liam – who was looking about two steps from falling over– looked to each of them briefly and started to speak in a raspier voice than normal. He was also wearing a face mask and sitting at the far end of the oval table where the next two seats were at least five feet from him. “As I’m sure you can all tell, I went and got myself sick over the holiday,” he explained. “My symptoms are getting worse by the minute, and given how my sister and her children’s illness went, I’ll be bedridden for a few days in a short time.” He covered a cough, even though he was masked. “So, if we are going to continue through with this mission, you’re going to be doing it without me,” he noted with a heavy sigh.
Austin was sitting with his handler who remained mostly silent. “We need to get this done,” Austin said under his breath. He looked to Liam, “if you have to stay, you have to stay. I’m ready to move on,” he sighed.
“Well, there’s one vote.”
“Like it matters,” Sabine growled under her breath.
“We need to not start this, already, Sabine,” Vincent said with a sigh.
“Yeah, I’m so grateful to be taking orders from the two people who are not even part of this protocol!” Sabine sniped back.
“Sabine, that’s enough!” Liam barked, standing. Everyone fell silent as the room rumbled with his tone. He pointed, “We’ve already got Vincent in the system, so he is part of this team as far as I’m concerned, and as for this one?-” he gestured to Austin, “-his file is already written up. All we need is for him to write his damn name down and get final approvals from the government, and he’s welcome back to help us anytime he wants.”
Austin stared at the table. “Thank you,” he whispered. Austin’s handler crossed his arms on the table and gave Liam a good, strong nod. Austin’s eyes fluttered down into his lap.
Marielle could see how red and tired they were and her insides twisted in response. –I’m sorry, Austin.
-Don’t talk to me right now.
Marielle let out a long breath, and took hold of Vincent’s hand.
“And what about this… this clown?” Sabine gestured dramatically to Chamber who was pouring half the sugar into his coffee.
“We’ll address him in a minute,” Vincent said cooly, but with an authoritative tone.
Chamber swaggered back to his spot against the wall, and kept quiet.
“Enough, wife,” John whispered.
Sabine looked away, quietly seething.
“Frankly, Sabine, this is why I’m not putting you or Wei Ling in charge.” Liam barked. Sabine glared daggers at him. “You are not in control, and thus cannot be counted on to make the best decisions, and Wei Ling is emotionally compromised. We can all understand why.” The room nodded. Wei Ling’s eyes were closed. Liam cleared his throat and continued, “I don’t like the look of this team right now, and frankly, I wish that we had more time to worry about this. I consider it lucky that Cory didn’t try and attack us again in the last few weeks.”
“He was here, though,” Klara said raising a finger from the back. The room turned to her. “Or at least someone from their side was… we got signatures in China.”
Again, Marielle’s eyes flicked to Austin, this time concerned. If they failed this mission, but Austin survived, he’d be going there, and what would happen to him, then? Would he be in trouble?
Austin continued to ignore her.
“Wait, they were in China?” Mateo said, stepping forward.
Klara looked to him and nodded. “Yeah, at least five of them.”
“Five?” Jamie asked. “Yo… where does he keep getting all of these extra people to help him?”
Vincent let out a sigh, “I believe that Cory enlisted Kingdom from other dimensions after he followed me and other doubles who are aligned with Kingdom. I believe that he’s basically told them that if he helps them, he’ll give them the rest of the technology to also learn to teleport to other dimensions.”
“Which means this never ends…” Han sighed.
“Which is why we have to do this now, and we can’t fail. Who knows how many worlds Cory’s already given extra information to and how many of those are going to pass it to others,” Marielle said with a wild gesture.
“And what is going on in their worlds that they might want to destroy ours,” Chamber interjected from behind her.
“Exactly,” Marielle said with a nod.
“This is only going to get worse,” Vincent said, quietly. “The only chance we might have is to go there and do what we’re planning.”
Liam stood again and put his fists to the table. “This is why I’ve made the decision that I have, with Falk’s permission,” he gestured to Austin’s handler, and the room fell silent. “Vincent and Austin are in charge of this mission.” The room got even more quiet. You could hear a pin drop.
“Well, that’s going to go well,” Sabine whispered as she caged her face.
“I’m not finished,” Liam said sternly, tossing a hard glare at Sabine. “Sabine and Wei Ling are second,” he explained. “I don’t like it due to the immense drama surrounding everyone here, but that is my decision and it’s final.” He threw another hardened glare at Marielle as if pointing out that she was a large part of the drama. She fell silent and nodded, closing her eyes, and turning her head away. “We are not in high school, comrades. Everyone needs to check themselves at the door, because I’m about to fall into a coma for probably the next several days.” He went into a coughing fit again, and turned away to stop the spread of germs, and cover his cough. “Now I give the floor to Vincent to talk, and I want to be clear, soldiers,-” he glared at all of them like a father about to punish his many children, “-you listen to him, and consider his words with wisdom and clarity of mind, because God so help me – if I am sick and then find out that half of y’all are dead and because you didn’t listen…” he stopped his rant long enough for his eyes to well up. “I- I can’t lose anymore of you,” he admitted. “None of you have any idea how much you all mean to me. All of you, do you hear me?” He asked throwing a look to Marielle, then to Austin, Sabine, and Vincent. They all understood; even us – the problem causers.
Liam went into another coughing fit, and he gestured for Vincent to trade places with him. “Listen…to…him…” he growled at the room. “And pray I don’t die from whatever this is,” he added as he went to the door. “I mean that, pray, literally,” he gestured wildly at the floor. They all laughed as he closed the door and left them alone.
Vincent stood straight and tall, with his left wrist behind his back and eyed the room. “I want to address a few things,” he explained. “I never intended to come and take this group over. I never intended for anyone to die. All I ever wanted was my wife,” he explained. Then he cleared his throat as if he’d say no more about any of that. “The first thing that I want to address regarding this mission is Mateo and Tala,” he said looking at the back of the room at them both. “You’re not going.”
“What?” Mateo boomed coming off the wall, “Nah, man! I mean, yo! Come on! I’ve trained for this!”
“I don’t care. You shouldn’t have been with us in Italy, and you shouldn’t be with us now. It’s not about your ability, it’s about your age. I care about both of you and what you are working out here.” He gestured between the two of them as they exchanged looks. “I know you’re both good assets to the team, but you’ll be sitting this one out,” he explained. Wingman growled, “Yes, you too, I’m afraid.”
“This is bull!” Tala barked.
“I don’t really care if I’m making you hate me, you didn’t like me anyway,” Vincent said, coldly.
Mateo opened his mouth to protest, and Tala shook his left shoulder, “Maybe we should listen to him,” she whispered.
“Do you love him?” Vincent asked Tala. She looked to Vincent, then to Mateo, then back and nodded sheepishly. “Then you understand.” Mateo cut his gaze to Tala as his eyes filled with tears. “Do you love her?” Vincent asked Mateo.
Mateo took in a deep breath and let it out raggedly, “Yes.”
“Then you understand.” Vincent put his knuckles to the table. “You may both be excused,” he said with a nod toward the door.
They looked to one another and Tala reached out, took Mateo’s hand and squeezed it, a clear I love you in her eyes. He smiled sadly at her, but the smile also said that they hadn’t admitted this yet, and he was excited by this admission. He nodded, breathed out, and led her to the door, Wingman squelching behind them.
Once the door was closed again, Vincent turned back to the rest of them. “Now let’s talk about Chamber.” He glanced to his double. He was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. “Chamber is with us, but he is not to be considered part of this team. He’s coming to help, that’s it. He’s going to be positioned, here.” Vincent turned and lowered from behind a map on the wall, a blueprint of Valorant and the buildings surrounding. “Here…” he explained, pointing to one of the buildings a street over. “It’s tall, and out of the way, and he’ll be able to see and help us from there.” He turned and met eyes with his double. “This is… one of the last times that he will help me.”
Chamber nodded.
One of? Marielle wondered.
Vincent spoke again, “He is responsible for getting himself there on his own, and leaving on his own.” There was a pause. “Let’s talk about the spike, and what the plan is. We have closed the radius in as much as possible, but sadly, it still lands outside of Valorant,” he was drawing an imaginary line around the large facility and sighed heavily as the room realized that it still took out a lot of the rest of the block and area. “I understand what this means. When we get there, we need to make sure that the area is clear. No one will be affected here,-” he motioned toward the back as it was mostly land that no one should be on as it would be trespassing. “And these buildings should be mostly vacant if we go tomorrow. But we need to alert anyone in the vicinity because the blast covers at least this section of land.” He stopped a few buildings back from Valorant. The other buildings were offices and warehouses. “So, here’s the plan on that front. When we arrive – which will be right outside of Valorant – Austin is going to go into both of those buildings, wave his fake badge around, and basically tell everyone in there that there is a bomb nearby and that it will go off, and that everyone needs to clear out. Hazal will go with him and use her abilities to scare anyone else off if they don’t obey.”
Austin and Hazal glanced at one another and nodded.
“Doesn’t that risk someone getting caught in the blast anyways?” Han asked.
“Oui, but this is the best we’ve got right now. He will do his best to get everyone out of there, right?” he looked down at Austin, who lifted his gaze to him, nodded once, and looked away again. “He’ll tell everyone in the building that they need to get outside of a mile, and pull all of the alarms.”
“How about people in those other buildings, or on the street?” Sabine asked, gesturing to the map.
“Same ordeal, he’ll make a scene, Hazal will help, and then rejoin us. There is no way to be one hundred percent sure that someone won’t get caught in the explosion, but this is the best we can do. Can everyone live with that?”
They all silently thought for a moment and nods and yes’s were eventually seen and heard.
“Now we talk about the spike.” He looked around the room. “This is not a spike like the ones they have been trying to plant. Their goal is to wipe out all organic matter; people, animals… Ours is to wipe out everything. We don’t want any more people or dimensions getting their hands on any information at their Valorant, so this is going to destroy everything.”
“How?” John asked leaning over his knees, Sabine’s hand crept up his back and gently rubbed his left shoulder blade.
“It’s designed to create a singularity. This is something like a black hole,” Klara responded from the back.
“So, it will wipe everything?” Jamie asked.
Klara nodded, so did Vincent as he stroked his chin. “Oui.”
“Isn’t that like…really dangerous?” Hazal asked swiveling her chair toward Vincent.
“It is. Especially since, we haven’t created a defuser.”
“What?” boomed Tayane, and the rest of the room was looking around wide eyed and just as shocked and urgent.
“We don’t want this to be shut off,” Vincent explained.
“That’s right, it needs to destroy Valorant,” Chamber interjected from behind Sabine. She rolled her eyes at the very sound of his voice and caressed John more intimately.
“More than likely, Cory will have a defuser, and more than likely, he’ll attempt to use it,” Chamber added.
“We have to stop him…uh, defend.”
“Defenders of the spike,” Jamie murmured to himself.
“Oui.” Chamber said.
“We have also created a … how do I say it… spike tracker?”
Marielle narrowed her eyes at Vincent as he said this. “In our ear, the spike will speak to us. It’ll say where it’s at. If it falls, we’ll know. If the spike carrier…” he paused, “is out of commission, it will tell us.”
“Oh geez,” Wei Ling whimpered as she processed those words, and caged her face.
“We need to all consider a few things. We’re going there to kill people… is everyone okay with this?” Vincent asked. The room fell silent again.
Austin briefly exchanged looks with Marielle. -I’m not as okay with it as I used to be, to be honest.
-Yeah, I understand. He was referencing his desire to distance himself from Tundra.
“I don’t like it, but… I know why we’re doing it, and I’m here,” Tayane said gesturing around the room. “I knew that needing to defend myself and my friends was always going to be a possibility.”
“I think I feel the same way,” Hazal agreed.
Vincent took a deep breath in and leaned over both knuckles as he looked at Marielle. “I am starting to wonder if Marielle should go.”
Her eyes widened at him incredulously and she nearly knocked back her chair standing. “What?” She boomed.
Austin swallowed, his eyes darting from her to him, then back.
“What are you talking about?” She demanded, pointing.
“Oh, great,” Sabine growled, flicking a hand.
Austin stood as well; he was between them now. “Hey, don’t treat her like that.”
“It’s not that I think that she’s incapable, I know very well that she is…” Vincent explained, looking at her with adoration. “But they want her to control me. If they get her, then what?” He glanced at everyone in the room, gauging their reactions. “This is the final piece of information that everyone needs… I won’t get into what it all is, but I have further information that Cory wants and needs to enact all of his twisted plans for the universe that he wants to build. They won’t kill me; they’ll just make sure that Marielle suffers. So that I do.”
Sabine was shaking her head at him. “Of course.”
Marielle was seething. “You did get the information from Liam in your world, didn’t you?” she whispered. Vincent was glaring at her, but said nothing. “Before you left.”
There was silence. He said nothing.
“Yeah, why don’t you let her make her own decisions, huh?” Austin was barking as he raked a hand through his dark hair.
“Shut up, both of you!” Marielle roared snapping her head from Vincent to Austin. “This is my life, and my body, and if I decide to risk it, then I will do as I damned well please and neither of you are going to have a say about that!” She pointed at both.
“Damn straight,” Austin said under his breath.
Falk was standing at Austin’s side. “Are you going to be able to do this?”
Austin was seething and his blue gaze was locked on Vincent, flames burning in both eyes. They briefly glowed their intense blue. “Yeah. I’m going to be able to do this,” he hissed.
There was a pause as Vincent thought. “Okay, I won’t make Marielle stay,” he said, looking to her with pleading eyes. Then he turned the conversation back to the rest of the room as Austin and Marielle both sat down again. “We’re going to run a few training sessions after lunch… tomorrow we’re doing this.” He gestured at Chamber. “Chamber and I now have two teleporters. While we won’t teleport any faster – there’s still a cooldown – this could give us an advantage.” There was a pause. “Everyone go get some food, take a few minutes, go for a swim, whatever you need to do… and meet us in the training room at two.” Vincent raised his hands, dismissing everyone.
***
Marielle almost bumped into Austin as he came up out of the pantry. She knew he was there. For a moment their eyes met. For the last forty-eight hours, their thoughts had not been so clear or loud to one another, and Marielle was wondering if it truly was possible to break their bond.
“I don’t think so…” Austin mused, quietly.
“You don’t?”
He shook his head, “No,” he whispered.
“Then how come there’s a lot of silence in your head?”
He shrugged. “Because I’m not thinking anything,” and the moment the words left his lips, he winced at the realization that he’d just said word for word what Tundra had in the truck before Kingdom.
He looked down at the bag of chips in his hand as if he was holding something that he didn’t remember picking up and set it aside as his stomach had just told him that he was no longer hungry. Maybe he never would be again. His jaw tensed and he wasn’t looking at her.
She gently pushed past him into the pantry and fished out a bag of chips for herself and a bag of almonds.
He leaned his temple against the pantry and watched her, desirously, but sadly. “Marielle?” he eventually spoke and it sent waves of electricity down her spine.
“Yes?” she asked.
“Are you… happy?” It was a genuine question.
She didn’t hesitate this time, “Yes.”
He nodded. -Could I not have made you happy?
She couldn’t stop herself. –You could have given me complete bliss.
He closed his eyes as tears fell and he took the smallest step toward her, but her reaction caused him to stop. -This is why I’m saying goodbye to you at the end of the year. I can’t be in this prison anymore.
-Prison? Is that what this is to you?
-When you’re dreaming about getting your face sucked off by your ex-wife, and we’re running into past lovers? Yes.
He pulled both hands over his face, trying to wipe the expression from it before cutting his gaze to hers. “This has never been a prison, for me,” he whispered, glancing around to be certain that they were alone. “It’s been home.”
“So you’ve said.”
“Why am I not home to you?” She was silent. “Must you defy fate?”
“It’s not about that.”
He sighed, grabbed a soda from the fridge, and turned to her. “I’m probably wrong. There probably is a way to sever this…” He drank a swig.
“How do you think?” she begged, knowing his answer, and shuddering.
He shrugged a shoulder. “If I’m dead.” He let that linger in the air and marched off somewhere to be alone.
She sighed and finished picking out her snacks.
She couldn’t stay away, though. She never could. She watched him march to the office building.
***
Austin sat at the piano, wishing that he’d grabbed a beer instead of a soda, but too distraught to head back to the kitchen. After a short time of playing classical, he made his fingers dance to modern and began playing Boston by Augustana.
He paused and took in a sharp breath when he felt Marielle’s eyes on him. -Come to me. He kept thinking. -Come to me…
She turned and left.
He glanced down at the ring and patted the one still in his pocket. The room around him flickered a deep red with spidery black and Austin turned to see Hazal standing near him.
She gave him the briefest smile and came closer. “I love when you sing,” she said, sheepishly.
“I love to sing for you,” he explained, tenderly caressing the piano keys. “I know it helps you rest.”
She nodded. “It does.” She sat down on the bench beside him, but kept some space between the two of them. “I want to help you now,” she explained.
He drew back a little, “What – what do you mean?” his eyes flickered with fear.
“I want to take it from you,” she said, lifting her hand, but keeping it dangling in the air between them. Austin’s breathing started to grow deep, and shaky. “Austin, you don’t want this anymore. Give it to me, I can handle it,” she assured.
“What do you want to take?”
She smiled at him compassionately. “The fear.” Frozen against the feelings tightening around his limbs and in his stomach, he watched her hand slowly lower to his face. “Shhhh, shhhh, it’s okay, don’t be afraid,” she whispered. Tears were rimming his eyes and falling and when she made contact, he sucked in air and his eyes widened as he stared at her, resisting. She made a pained face. “Oh, Austin, I see it…” she whimpered. Then she slowly drew him against her, cradling his head to her breast as he began to sob. “I see it,” she repeated. “It’s okay. Shhh, it’s okay. I’ve got you. You won’t die alone,” she breathed. He let out a sob that echoed in the space as the fear became more crippling, and coiled more tightly around his body like a snake. “You won’t die alone,” she breathed, gently rocking him.
He clung to her arm and as the feelings crescendoed, she pulled his red straining face back to look at him and their eyes locked as they simultaneously let out a deep, horrified cry, feeling every ounce of the pain and anguish associated with his deepest fears. When it ended, she drew him to her again, and cradled and rocked him until he calmed. “If I am there, and alive, I will run to you. I’ll hold your hand if you leave us. You will not die alone.” He shook in her arms, clinging to her like she was a life raft. “And I will remember you for many, many years to come. I will tell stories about you, and how you were a good man. I won’t forget about you, or let you be forgotten,” she whispered. Then she looked down lovingly into his blue eyes. “My friend,” she finished.
It was one of the more horrible things that he’d ever experienced… and yet…somehow there was a peace overtaking his body as Hazal sweetly sang to him- a lullaby from her home.